... turning points ...

The Inner Life of A Cell

2008-08-20T21:55:00.003+08:00

This made cell biology alot more interesting!

For higher resolution, go:

http://www.studiodaily.com/main/technique/tprojects/6850.html

Enjoy!

A Clogged Sink... and more

2008-07-26T00:14:00.003+08:00

Yeah, I just finished helping my dad attempt to solve a clogged up sink that is terribly designed -- which is currently still clogged.

For the past 2 months, most of the hours of my life was devoted to the lab. I'm not complaining, because I do find it interesting, fun, and exciting. Not forgetting frustration, impatience, and disappointments -- loads of it. And I must admit, a presently faint and budding hope of being able to publish a paper before I graduate. Of course, exciting only when the project does move on, inter-mingled with small doses of triump and celebration when troubleshoots are successfully solved, and when the agar plates do have colonies growing.

Unfortunately, I do find myself spending lesser and lesser time at home. Lab hours, the frequent dinners and birthdays spent with friends (of which I'm thankful, as it shows that people still regard me as a friend), piano lessons and pool trainings all occupy much of my time. Of course, the occasional family dinners during certain weekends and birthdays are still intentionally organised and treasured. But day to day, only mum and dad's at home between 5-11pm.

There is a sense of guilt at times, when I sit down and realize (like now) that home is slowly becoming like a hotel. Check in for the night, and temporarily check out for the day. Of course, minimal room service provided. So, the clogged sink actually provided an oppotunity for me to do something together with my dad. Wierd huh... but else, sometimes it's just hard to find a common topic to talk about. It is sad too.

But talking about the clogged sink. If I were to own a house in the future, I'll just get a plumber. Or maybe not, 'cos I guess I have not experienced how it feels to pay out of my own pocket something I know I can reasonably fix on my own.

Cleaning the incubator (that had E.coli spilt all over, and a conspicuous looking 1litre flask with a shattered hole and my name written over it) was indeed a big challenge. Dismantling the entire machine was probably my most recent encounter of doing something very much technical. Coupled with some really microscopic and tightly screwed in screws, my blood was boiling in a matter of minutes. I destroyed 3 alan/allen keys in the process of loosening those screws. But with some summoning of determination, creativity and a certain degree of quick-mindedness, I managed to get the job done.

I have to admit, these traits of looking for alternative methods to get a job done, finding unharmful short-cuts, and the determination to finish tasks that look impossible were inculcated during army days as a CQMS. Dealing with logistics and lots of manual labour, sometimes you just have to think of alternative methods on the spot when a certain something so happen is lacking. Especially when you're out in the field, and resources are limited. And, my trusty storemen never fail to come up with whacky ideas, creative methods and surprisingly simple ways of getting various jobs done. Despite their limited years of education or bad history with the law, I really admire and respect them for some of their ideologies and the hardships they have to endure. I must say, army has opened my eyes and provided me a window to see and encounter people and situations that I would never even get close to.

I have recently begun to appreciate Celtic and World Folk music. I never knew it is pronouced as "Cal-Tic" music till of late. Perhaps the tranquility, mysticism and imagination it invokes makes is kind of enchanting. Think misty mountains, rippling streams, dancing faeries, craggy vikings and bewildering forests. Also the medieval tunes likened to castles, dungeons, jesters, carnivals... ... Ah, I would love to explore Scandinavia one day.

So, about the clogged sink. Despite dismantling everything and clearing the unexpectedly imaginary clogged drainage pipe, the sink still remained clogged. Pretty bewildering. For me, I think I would extend an invitation to the plumber.

My dad however, thinks otherwise.

The Unfair Exchange

2008-07-06T23:39:00.003+08:00

Before the Love of God can be manifested, the Wrath and Holiness of God had to be shown.

Someone had to pay the price of sin, and He chose Jesus.

"For He made Him (Jesus) who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him."
2 Corinthians 5:21

How then... can we not be thankful?

Singing YOUR Beautiful Song

2008-06-10T23:41:00.001+08:00

A pretty old song we sang.. In the church I attended previously.
Wow, really good old memories!

what kind of life?

2008-06-10T00:23:00.003+08:00

Today, I tried to go down to the lab earlier so I can run the gel early, in order to have time for a second double digestion followed by another gel electrophoresis. Then, I can transform my dearest piece of work into pet bacteria cells, and wait for results to appear tomorrow!

Unfortunately, the lab ran out of DNA ladder so I couldnt run the gel, till late morning. Which meant, I wasted quite some time... getting up early and all, and I have to extend the dateline. grrrr...

Recently, this whole lab experience has been prompting me to give further serious thoughts about my future. Frankly, I am enjoying my time in the lab. Perhaps it's the personality thing. But I have read, heard and infered, that life after a PhD would more or less mean trading most of your life for the lab. To put it nicely, it's for the furtherance of science. To put it awfully, it's selling most of your social life. Well, I don't know at the moment, but I did request to my PI that I would like to do a UROPs (Undergrad. Research Project) for the next 2 semesters under him, and this would contribute 8 modular credits to my overall graduation requirement.

A couple of benches away from me, I have a friend who's currently pursuing her PhD. She just came back from a 1 month Europe getaway, and she so kindly showed me her photos. Hmmm, I really wish to go free and easy travelling with a couple of friends. Anywhere... where the weather is un-Singaporish will do. After all, it's the company that makes most of the difference. (the weather does play a part too) And I've got to save enough money for that too.

Not enough money... how to go?

about PIs

2008-06-04T23:24:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, a friend of mine doing her honours in NZ sent me an article about a career in science. A portion of it contained a small discussion about Principal Investigators (PIs). And since I've just recently gotten to work with a PI, I thought it to be very relevant, and hilarious. This comic strip was taken from the article published in Nature. Really interesting...

Courtesy of http://dentcartoons.blogspot.com/

laborious work

2008-06-03T20:06:00.004+08:00

Today's Day 2 of my attachment with one of the Professor in NUS.

What I'm basically taksed to do is Recombinant DNA work, where the PI (Principal Investigator) has tasked me to make a vector containing a special gene and Green Fluorescent Protein gene. His work is on the immune system, particularly on cancer genes and how the body's immune system fights off tumour cells. He's really so kind as to demonstrate and explain step by step to me the required techniques. I'm currently starting off real slow now. So basically, I have ALOT of free time. Yesterday, the only thing I did was to mix the vector with Restriction Enzymes. Thats all. Today, I set up and ran the gel, and extracted the DNA from the bands. I think by t0morrow I would have seen most of the required techniques and protocols being demonstrated, dephosphorylation and ligation, and I'll be left to carry on more or less on my own. The project shouldn't last too long, hopefully, if things go well. When I get the desired product, I'll learn how to do DNA sequencing and PCR. Then he would task me on some other project.

Currently, his lab has 1 full time staff, 3 honours students and 1 undergrad research project member. Really thank God that I got to work in a lab where everyone is all so friendly and helpful. Heard from a few of my friends about their not-so-nice experiences with PIs.

The PI himself is from Switzerland, and he's such a down-to-earth, humble, friendly professor. Can see that he really enjoys teaching and explaining stuff to us undergrads, and the occasional chats, despite all his meetings and other things he needs to do. The honours students and the full time staff also willingly explain to me what they are doing.

The really good thing about attachments is that there isn't a need to write reports. I just hope I can acquire as much lab knowledge and practical techniques this break, and discover if I'm really into research. So far, it has started really well and I enjoy what I'm doing, but I suppose it's still way too early to judge now. Perhaps I'm a little crazy, trading off my holidays for this, but I think it'll be worth it.

Guess what I found in the lab toilet? A research paper on top of the toilet bowl closet.

Updates!

2008-05-28T23:09:00.002+08:00

It's really been a long while since I last updated on whats going on. To say that nothing has been going on is certainly not true. But perhaps the events seem insignificant to me, at least insignificant to share. That isn't good I suppose. When blessings and moments in life are taken for granted, everything will seem insignificant.

Pathetic

Yes... Pathetic. Today I took my first IPPT and I failed! I couldn't pull the required amount of 'ups', despite my occasional sessions at the bar at the bottom of my block and not forgetting the last week of frequent gym visits. Yes, last minute work doesn't work.
Then the run was a flop. The threadmill is definitely not a good gauge! So... 3 more weeks of intense exercise regime before I go claim at least $100 from SAF.

My lifestyle at the moment is also rather pathetic. I'm feeling like one of those big fluffy dogs, that spend most of their time imitating a rug beside a cosy fireplace in front of the TV. No, I have not developed into a TV addict, but I have been waking up later and later. That's not good. Time to change!

Desiring Busy-ness

I'm not sure if it's just me. When I'm all busy and living life with nothing but a snorkel and an occasional gasp of air, a million agendas of what-I-would-do-if-I'm-free floods my wish list. Then when I'm totally freed and having all the time in the world, I become bored. =_=''

As the saying goes: An idle mind is the devil's workshop. I have to agree with this.

As such, Thank God I managed to obtain an attachment with one of the professors in NUS, starting this Monday. He's working on Natural Killer cells in the immune system and he needs a new vector, so I'm given the task to create it. This whole attachment thing has gotten me quite excited. It's my first go at research, and I'm dying to find out how's it like. Then there's all that new molecular biology techniques that I'll be learning, and that's interesting! Isn't it? The downside is that there's no renumeration.

Suspense

Results for the last semester will be out this Friday. Will the CAP go up or down? Seems like this question is all that matters. Yes. After all, isn't that why we all go to school for. No one, at least not in this generation, can truthfully say that he goes to school to primarily enrich himself.

Recently, a couple of forum letters in the Straits Times have been regarding the June holidays: If it's for, as its name suggest, holiday. Or, a time to plough doubly hard in assessment books, remedial classes and 'parents work'. It's truely a pathetic plight. The pressure for the nation to attain world class standards at an international level has effects that radiate all the way down to the primary level. Perhaps this pressure is also increasing in every developed nation. It's sad. Survival has come to a point where the crucial nurturing and developing years are ruined. Everyone parent wants success in his child's life. But excesses can lead to detrimental psychological effects. And it doesn't help when teachers and principals thirst for success in life too. It's all a cycle. To be the best principal, best employee. Young lives get pressure cooked all around. Grades, CCAs, Best acheiver awards, School rankings. I really feel very sorry for this era. While I'm thankful that I'm out of that stage in life, I really feel sorry for the young people I still have contact with.

While it's true that this pressure is very unlikely to be lessened throughout one's lifetime, adults have greater capability of managing it compared to children. If it's possible, spare them for a little while more till they are older.

Sunday

When life becomes turbulent, what can we hold on to?
This was last Sunday's sermon, and it truely reminded me of the fundamental things of living a Christian life that I have often forgotten.

When turbulence hits... fear, worry and anger enters. But because of the destiny of every believer in Jesus as promised by the eternally faithful God, we can face turbulence with boldness and courage, for all that is on earth is temporal. Since God is eternal, and it is a duty of every Christian to honour God, shouldn't the things we do on earth (and not just in heaven) be ultimately done for His glory and honour?

It has encouraged me greatly, as it reminded me once again of what are the things that really matters. Temporal things do not last, eternal ones do.
As I recieve my results this Friday, may I have acceptance of it whatever it may be, and give God the glory for it, as I have given my best effort for Him this semester.

"For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away." James 4:14

Happy Mothers' Day!

2008-05-11T14:52:00.001+08:00

Indescribable

2008-05-11T14:43:00.001+08:00

He is indeed indescribable, all powerful, uncontainable.

But so often, it slips my mind.

Franz Liszt

2008-05-11T02:34:00.001+08:00

Hungarian Rhapsody No.2

I wonder when can I ever play a piece by Liszt...

Rewind

2008-05-11T02:07:00.003+08:00

Perhaps I'm just too free.

Thought of the wonderful times in army. The company I was in and the people I got to work with.

I'm glad it's all over... but also missed all the fun times.

Steinway & Sons

2008-04-27T19:10:00.006+08:00

This truely is a piano that cannot be compared to any other.

Renowned for being "The One" amongst many pianists, I finally got a chance to come up close, touch and play on a Steinway - four Steinways actually. A replica of the very first pianoforte ever built by steinway: The No. 1 Steinway (1836).

Then a Steinway square piano made in 1726.

Third was the Wagner Steinway, which Richard Wagner supposed owned one, and the one Listz apparently played. (The model, not the actual piano). And lastly was the Steinway Model B Music Room Grand - which Yong Siew Toh has in every of its music studios.

Because of innovation and tonnes of research on sound quality, Mr Steinway and his sons managed to manufacture a piano that cannot be rivaled up till today. Like bells ringing at every touch of the key, the sound quality of this magnificent instrument definitely stands out. Touch wise, the volume control and feel is just heavenly. Now I understand why its the choice amongst professional pianists.

All this for a piano. And it comes with at a whooping price of $150,000. Thats potentially 3 cars in Singapore.

It has always been a dream to play on a Steinway, and I'm so happy I managed to do so today.

A collage of photos taken, courtesy of Matthew.

"A Steinway is a Steinway, and there is nothing like it in the world" Arthur Rubinstein

Inferior Complexity

2008-04-18T22:51:00.002+08:00

We're all in a race.

I shall always strive to do better than before, but never to strive to be the best, cos it's disappointing when you never seem to be anywhere near.

A changed heart

2008-04-14T01:20:00.002+08:00

Going to CEFC has really been a tremendous blessing for me. I have been reminded and refreshed of many truths week after week, many things which I have forgotten and taken for granted. Truths which I have lost focus on because of the things and duties of the world, which although I need to do, ought not to be the centre of my attention.

Today's sermon was just right to the point. A reminder of what is the gospel of Jesus Christ. In it's core essence, it's a changed life, through the redemptive power of His love. The part of 'changed life' woked me up. The gospel isn't meant for unbelievers only. It's also meant for believers as well.

A changed life doesn't come from works, programs or church, it can only come from Him. A changed life causes a change in mindset, a change in goals and aspirations. A changed life causes change in outward actions and deeds. But a changed life can also be changed by corruption. Whilst everyone has their own personal struggles and trials that we must all face in this pilgrimage, God does give comfort in His word.

"Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16

So prone to wander, so prone to fall. I thank God for the promise of His love, and the faithfulness of His forgiveness, that we can even come boldly before Him. Without them, I'll be lost forever.

everlasting love

2008-04-12T22:23:00.003+08:00

Just came back from a wake. My friend's dad passed away.

There are many things in life that can happen unexpectedly -- everyone knows that. Except that, it just often slips our mind when all's going well. Wakes are one thing that brings people who have not seen each other for a long time together. Condolences are passed and support being displayed. People chat and catch up with each other, reminiscing about life. Its definitely not a happy occasion, but you can't expect everyone to look sad right? I just don't get it.

For christians, death means a new life awaiting on the other side. Because of our hope and faith in Jesus, the victory over death has been won. This is the comfort christians can all share. But still, memories of loved ones still lurk around, and that's painful.

"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38

The love of God is powerful.

And this verse reassures me. Believe it or not.. I still get afraid of the dark at times, when I'm the last to sleep at night.

Dreams

2008-04-10T23:10:00.003+08:00

I have been getting quite alot of dreams of late. In fact, it has been running for the past few consecutive nights. A couple of wierd ones, just that I can't really remember the details. In a particular one, I overturned my dad's car in a crash, probably due to the not-so-nice experience I had at Newton Circle that day. Another where I think I screwed up this semester's exams so badly. Hmm, and there was one the other night where I got 4 As and 1 E.

Back in reality, the nights watching 'House' got me exploring of the option of graduate medical school. (Things a drama can do to you.) It has been my source of motivation lately though. Graduate medical school means an additional 8 years including housemanship after undergraduate studies, which means I'll be 32. But M.D. for biomedical research would be a big plus. Oh, but wait.. I think I need a CAP of say... 4.9? haha. dreams are nice. I'll just see where God leads..

Exams are due in 2 weeks time, but I'm already thinking how to spend this upcoming vacation fruitfully. Was thinking of getting a part time job in some commercial lab, but a friend recommended me to volunteer an attachment with one of the professors. Guess I'll start mass-mailing out my services soon, if anyone wants me. Hopefully I'll find what area I really wanna be into...

House, M.D.

2008-03-27T21:37:00.002+08:00

Recently, I got hooked to this drama series. The more I watched, the more intrigued I got.

The human body, so beautifully designed and crafted. Fragile yet with strong defenses. The constant battle we face with the microscopic world is often taken with ignorance, but the body does a splendid job at it! At least to a large extent.

Tying in with what I have learnt in Metabolism and my other various classes, I salute the human body! More importantly, I marvel at the One who designed this entire engineering feat.

And.. I'm once again inspired why I'm treading this path I'm treading.

3/4 mark

2008-03-24T22:40:00.002+08:00

Over lunch, couple of my course mates and I were commenting on the workload we are facing this semester. No kidding, it's truely deceptively relaxing. Relaxing, because we have no lab reports to write, unlike the last semester, where it was reports and tests alternating without end. Relaxing, because half of our modules have MCQ/Take home quizzes/project. Relaxing, because we ended up skipping lectures for almost half of our modules... well, because webcasts are available, and there isn't much value-addedness for attending those lectures. (lecturer practically reads off the slides)

Deceptive, because I'm getting kind of worried that there's a soothing aura. Deceptive, because I'm getting Bs despite legitimate effort.

One thing I'm sure, this is going to be my most relaxed semester as an Undergrad (unless I go for exchange) despite attempting an extra module. I'm getting tired of the motion, and I can't wait for the long break!

I want to see Taiwan, and I'm thinking of a solo trip =)

Ken Lee

2008-03-13T15:54:00.001+08:00

Poor lady. She looks so sincere.

A Place to Go

2008-03-06T21:31:00.002+08:00

I think I'm starting to piss off the people at the Students Exchange Office. hmmm. I've been sporadically emailing them queries of late and today, when I called to ask something over the phone, I thought I heard a change in tone when I mentioned my name. Hmmmmm

The dilemma of whether to accept Uni. of Calgary made me lose my head for a moment. A first come first serve basis, and a dateline of next week doesn't help much. Plus, it's more or less now or never, for the Jan-Jun '09 semester. But for 4 months of frigid Canadian ice... I think I'll have to pass. That leaves me to either try for the Jun-Dec '09 or the Jan-Jun '10 semesters. And this time round, I won't be choosing from the leftovers. Grrrr. So much for the priority given to year 2 students. Wished UChicago was in the list though, then I can go find you Shaun. =) But I suppose both Universities are of a different league. Sometimes I wonder how we got into the top 20 Uni. rankings (I'm not complaining bout anything... =p)

MCQ on metabolism tomorrow, and I'm left with Amino Acids!
I just needed a break.

school's good for you

2008-03-04T22:24:00.002+08:00

This semester's modules are a wierd bunch.

I'm headed for 2 mcq & 1 short answer tests at the end of this week and its only till recently that I started feeling a little more urgent about it. The problem is, I've been reading the same stuff over and over again for the last 2 weeks, and I just can't seem to really remember the facts. Thank goodness it's MCQ, or should I be more worried about that?

Submitted my first philo paper yesterday and I hope it'll be a good one. 25% isn't a small amount.

Can't wait to move on to the next semester. Think this semester's choice of mods were a little too diversified. And collectively, they really did a splendid job inducing a deceptively false sense of security and serenity.

SEP application was rejected. UPenn must be too hot for me. Oh well, try again next semester. They tried offering me the leftovers though. Considering York University... but winter in Canada for 4 months? I really have to think thrice.

Blessings from Above

2008-02-29T23:34:00.002+08:00

I really feel tremendously blessed by God.

I have everything I could ever need in my life. I'm so blessed to be surrounded by several wonderful people that make my life so meaningful and fortunate. I am constantly reminded never to take any of these for granted. I have friends whom I know I can truely count on no matter what. And who have also shown me what its like to be a really good friend.

I've seen that money can always be earned back. But time that could have been preciously spent: once missed, is gone.
I've been shown the selfish side of me that requires some changes, and the flaws that need touching up.

The past week was just simply a tremendous blessing. A gentle reminder about Integrity on Sunday, to life lessons from a really good friend. And nothing beats a mother's love!

Thank you God!

Scientists' humour

2008-01-25T00:54:00.000+08:00

The PCR (Polymerase Chain Reaction) Song

There was a time when to amplify DNA,
You had to grow tons and tons of tiny cells.

Then along came a guy named Dr. Kary Mullis,
Said you can amplify in vitro just as well.

Just mix your template with a buffer and some primers,
Nucleotides and polymerases, too.

Denaturing, annealing, and extending.
Well it’s amazing what heating and cooling and heating will do.

PCR, when you need to detect mutations.
PCR, when you need to recombine.
PCR, when you need to find out who the daddy is.
PCR, when you need to solve a crime.
(repeat chorus)

stand on guard

2008-01-06T23:48:00.000+08:00

A timely call and reminder.

O Church Arise

O church, arise and put your armor on;
Hear the call of Christ our captain;
For now the weak can say that they are strong
In the strength that God has given.
With shield of faith and belt of truth
We'll stand against the devil's lies;
An army bold whose battle cry is "Love!"
Reaching out to those in darkness.

Our call to war, to love the captive soul,
But to rage against the captor;
And with the sword that makes the wounded whole
We will fight with faith and valor.
When faced with trials on ev'ry side,
We know the outcome is secure,
And Christ will have the prize for which He died—
An inheritance of nations.

Come, see the cross where love and mercy meet,
As the Son of God is stricken;
Then see His foes lie crushed beneath His feet,
For the Conqueror has risen!
And as the stone is rolled away,
And Christ emerges from the grave,
This vict'ry march continues till the day
Ev'ry eye and heart shall see Him.

So Spirit, come, put strength in ev'ry stride,
Give grace for ev'ry hurdle,
That we may run with faith to win the prize
Of a servant good and faithful.
As saints of old still line the way,
Retelling triumphs of His grace,
We hear their calls and hunger for the day
When, with Christ, we stand in glory.

The Wonder Of Your Cross

2007-12-21T00:36:00.000+08:00

The wonder of Your Cross
Shall be our meditation
To gather in that shadow
As the sun went down
To weep with those
Who thought that You were leaving
You were leaving Jesus
The humble King
Who never wore an earthly crown

To steal away at night
When they took down Your body
With love and tears
To leave You in a borrowed grave
To go with Mary to that place they laid You
Where they laid You Jesus
And in the morning
Find the stone was rolled away

Chorus
The cross O the wonderful cross
What glory what victory I've found
I'll come to the wonderful cross
And my whole life I lay down

Were heaven's praises
Silent in those hours of darkness
Your Holy Spirit brooding
'Round that empty throne
Until the declaration He is risen
You are risen Jesus
He is not dead
Behold He lives for evermore

Travel Solo

2007-12-20T02:58:00.000+08:00

The idea of solo travel sounds exciting.
Looking for a destination. Perhaps a week or so in May '08 sounds good for my maiden trip.

New beginnings

2007-12-14T00:36:00.000+08:00

Another year's ending, and a new one's approaching.

Life as a varsity student is tremendously fast paced. 1 semester's over, and another's fast coming my way. Soon I'll be recieving results which bear great significance, at least to me. Then, it's time to decide whether it'll be 5 or 6 modules for the coming semester. Then it'll just all whizz past again, and summer break would come and I'll be thirsting for another well deserved break.

2008 brings excitement as I think about the new place of worship and the possible adventure in Sweden the following year. As I watched the finale of Frasier, I thought about the new chapters that bring fresh possibilities, and the taste was just bittersweet.
I shouldn't be playing it safe and comfy anymore. Life is short, and stepping out in all sense - spiritually, academically, socially and being independent opens my world.

May I remind myself, I'm 21. A new chapter is unfolding.

The Sad Plight of North Korea

2007-11-18T01:10:00.000+08:00

I was utterly disgusted after watching this video by National Geographic.

A peek into the very unfortunate lives of the North Koreans and on the contrary, the indulgence and tyranny by their very own leader made me feel very sick. Yet the people worship him like a god, praising him and thanking him for his leadership and providing for them. These people have been brainwashed from birth, and lived their entire lives in fear. Yet they praise him, because that is all that they know.

How sad can this be?

I really wonder what's going on in the mind of such dictators? How can an individual be this selfish and dis-illusioned?

God, please have mercy on the North Koreans.

(1) http://youtube.com/watch?v=bAGwAGNxRso&feature=related
(2) http://youtube.com/watch?v=e4aZKb9UBRI&feature=related
(3) http://youtube.com/watch?v=aQPu-5qFUdE&feature=related
(4) http://youtube.com/watch?v=LD_NwTi-_OI&feature=related
(5) http://youtube.com/watch?v=sYZ00NuyKuI&feature=related

Chopin Ballade No.4 in F minor

2007-11-15T23:25:00.000+08:00

Chopin never ceases to amaze and awe me.

I'm gonna work on this after my last paper.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=N54uJfOKXV8

Turning Points

2007-10-30T01:02:00.000+08:00

I've reached a crossroad - and I've decided to change my course.
It's a decision I set out to think and pray about 5months ago.

The timing however is really just terrible, especially when things are getting so messy. Fingers start crossing, but you can't blame anyone. There's only all of us to blame. However, all problems start with a root cause. Where and what is the root cause? It's a paradox, for I can't definitely say what it is.

I suppose ripples happen for a reason. When water is stagnant, mosquitoes start breeding. It's better for some waves to start lashing about, allowing refreshment.
Whether it's the work of God or the enemy, Í'm sure God is still in control. Whatever direction its heading, it will always work for His purpose and that's the comfort I cling on to. All I hope for is His presence in the whole situation. Whatever outcome this may turn out to be, if He's in it, it will certainly be the best.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Been stuck in another crossroad. But again, He's been in it together with me all this while.

I find it terribly ironical. Countless falls and big disappointments have taken place. Yet without this, I wouldn't have grown. All my life as a child of God, this is the thing that re-moulded my thinking, that humbled me so much, that taught me what it is to trust Him blindly, and what it is to experience His endless grace.

Pass Me Not

Pass me not, O gentle Saviour

Hear my humble cry;

While on others Thou art calling,

Do not pass me by.

Come back quickly... Come back quickly

But isn't that a very selfish thing to say?

My refuge

2007-10-27T20:09:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow's Sunday - I need to seek my refuge.
A child that fell, and caught in a rut.
Something needs to be done... soon.
but I'm ashamed, to go to Him.

Been taught that He is the solution to everything.
But that does not include solving some problems.
I know He's always there with me, so that we can DEAL with the problem together.
But again, some problems have no solutions, so we have to deal with it for a long time.
And in the first place, it's up to me if I want to deal with it or not.

Somehow I feel He's giving up, but I know it's not true.
Is He the God of the Old Testament - The one that destroys and swiftly punishes heavily the one that sins?
Or is He the Jesus of the New Testament - Who would leave the 99 sheep to seek the very 1 that went astray, and like the father of the Prodigal's son, wait for the return of His child. What if His child does not repent, and goes astray once more? Why is there unlimited forgiveness?

Perhaps He is both, but I suppose He is supressing the first attribute.

Maybe this happened for a reason, or am I just trying to console myself?

Time to wake up, Time to re-examine, Time to pray.

I'm just so afraid, it will happen again. The scary thing is... I really think it would.
I need you - My refuge.

Turn on the heat

2007-10-16T00:25:00.000+08:00

Ooohhf.

Things are really starting to get heated. Work's piling, chapters are getting harder to understand, hours never seem to be enough, patience starts to wane, and my data storage hardware is facing saturation... and there's no option for upgrades!
It's times like this where determination comes into play. It seems that once you start to accept situations in a pessimistic way, things will just naturally dwindle downhill. On the contrary, you start getting excited about the uphill climb if you see it in a positive light. I have to get my perspective right.

After all, why should I be so worried? If God is in control and I'm doing my best, then I'm headed the way I should be going. (Textbook answer - but very true indeed)

Think I have made up my mind - more or less. Next year will be a new year. A new place, a new start. I hope this is where God is leading me to.

Sometimes, I Wish...

2007-10-14T00:49:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, I wish... ...

I was born a prodigy
I was born with a special ability
I could be a concert pianist
I could be a professional touring pool player
I could top every single test and exam
I could have that special someone
That my life isn't complicated in some aspects
I have more melanin
I had a younger brother

But oftentimes, I am reminded how blessed I am... ....

That I wasn't an orphan
That I was born with a roof above my head
That I wasn't born with a disability
That I was born into a Christian family
That I recieved Christ
That I have friends around me
That I have a place in the university
That I can play the piano
That my family loves me
That God loves me

Getting home

2007-10-10T22:42:00.000+08:00

Getting home from school on a daily basis can actually be quite a unique experience. People have asked why didn't I opt to stay in hall for the first year since there isn't any need to prove your worth in the first year. (Before the hall committee decides to declare you homeless) Actually I would love to, for all that convenience and independant living (FREEDOM!!) But since I do have a trusty direct-to-my-house bus service 188, I decided I could save my parents some $$.

Bus rides can be a chore at times, duing peak hours especially. As we all know, there's never enough standing space to go around, needless to say seats. But when you do find a highly coveted seat during one of those unearthly hours, there are somethings concerning the guy beside you that can occasionally evoke emotions. I'm sure we all encounter these at times, but I thought it'll be interesting to re-visit them one at a time.

1) The Disabled. Yeah, that's exactly who they are. Our public transport vehicles do not boast of large spacious seats. After all, there's no business class onboard. The Disabled don't seem to notice that. And when it's time for you (if you got the window seat) to exit the bus, they never seem to understand that the bulky bag you're carry plus the person attempting to get out can never squeeze out of that cooped up 2 seater without him actually standing up and temporarily getting out of his seat. There are occasions where I really feel like letting my bag sweep right across his face, and go.. oh. whoops. sorreee.

2) Big Jewels. Some men just like to sit with their legs wide open. Hence to put it crudely, is the suggested name. Again, they don't understand that business class seats are unavailable and that personal space is of great importance. At least leave my designated space to me, and close your legs!

3) The Exhausted. Ok. I'm guilty about this at times. Some days just suck the very last of your fortitude out of you, and the journey back home is a short laspe of time for personal re-charge. The occasional head bang is understandable. After all, public buses don't run on premium high octane gasoline. But mistaking your shoulder for a pillow... that's bad.

4) Public Announcers. PAs are sociable people, but they lack restrain. Turning a private conversation into an anncouncement isn't pleasing, at least to the one sitting beside and to the front of him.

5) Giraffes. These long-legged folks just don't seem to have the slightest concern that his legs are running into yours, when sitting at one of those face-to-face seats. Some become a total K.O. and prevent others from having a seat. Whatever it is, giraffes should really keep their legs to themselves. Fold them, and get them out of the way!

Bird-watching, whale-watching and star-gazing are all fascinating activities. But perhaps, the person next to you tomorrow could very well be an interesting analysis.

Happy Childrens' Day!

2007-10-01T00:50:00.000+08:00

I just turned 21 the day before yesterday, and now it's Childrens' Day.

Children are just so innocent. Some are innocently menacing. But on the whole, they are innocent. No schemes, devices and ambitions that corrupt the mind... yet.

This morning's sermon was appropriate: "Let the Children Come"

13 Then they brought little children to Him, that He might touch them; but the disciples rebuked those who brought them.

14 But when Jesus saw it, He was greatly displeased and said to them, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God.

15 Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.”

16 And He took them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them.

Mark 10:13-16

Too often we missed out the fatherly love of God. Too often we try to be overly matured adults in our journey with Him. We can just fall into His arms, and hug Him so dearly. It's possible, because of His love. A father, a friend, and yet our king. Intimacy and reverance seems to be worlds apart. But with God, those who know Him gets to experience them both at the same time.

May we be reminded on Childrens' Day, that the Child-like ones are those who:

1) Are Trusting

2) Are not self conscious

3) Have a sense of wonder

I am reminded very appropriately at the onset of my adulthood: A child-like faith, an unashamed testimony and worship, and being excited about God once again.

Green-Eyed Monster

2007-09-19T00:53:00.000+08:00

There is tremendous diversity in this world.

This is achieved by:
1) Genetic Variation as proposed by Mendel - a mechanism of Mother Nature.
2) The incommensurable Will of God in the lives of different individuals.

It made me stop in my tracks momentarily, when the person I once felt strongly for took off with a friend of mine recently. Life serves us some of these bafflements at times, and they all present themselves in different platters. As I continue to learn about their progress, I realized that green-eyed monster in me has not yet been completely subdued. Not so much of my previous attachment with that individual, but more of my bachelorhood.

Bachelorhood is a gift, and I'm currently enjoying it. Independence and freedom is what this package contains, and it also compliments a goal orientated setting (at least in this stage of my life). No hassle of un-pacifiable thoughts of the other person and potential distractions of paramount magnitudes. But once bitten by the love-bug, or harrassed by cupid, one would be inclined to think otherwise.

Bachelorhood promises many gains on a personal level, but it inevitably sacrifices the longing to be embraced by another individual. I believe everyone has this longing in various degrees, and it pains to see what I'm declined of. Now, taking one more step forward will never be a simple thing to do.

As with diversity in this world, I have been brought back and reminded time to time again that the incommensurable Will of God in the lives of different individuals is there for a reason. Acknowledging this is the first step, embracing it is a different level altogether.
For now, there's just no good end in feeding this Green-Eyed Monster.

As Corrinne May puts it - "Just stay on track, 'cos every cross can be a blessing. All the gifts that you've been given. Close your eyes and listen, of who you're meant to be."

Green-Eyed Monster

(Corrinne May)

So you say, Life is unfair.

She's got everything you wanted, and I'm not even close.

To getting where, you wish you could be.

The one who gets the commendation, love and adulation.

But you're stuck here on your knees.

Are you happy, Green-eyed monster.

Are you happy, with your place.

What's the use of being haunted.

Your story for glory, is right there in your face.

So be glad, you're and architect creation.

You're one of a kind.

Just stay on track, 'cos every cross can be a blessing.

All the gifts that you've been given.

Close your eyes and listen, of who you're meant to be.

Are you happy, Green-eyed monster.
Are you happy, with your place.
What's the use of being haunted.
Your story for glory, is right there in your face.

Don't feed the monster, wasting time comparing

Lose yourself desparing.

I hear it taunt ya, Hungry for a fight?

Are you happy?

Are you happy, Green-eyed monster.

Are you happy, with your place.

What's the use of being haunted.

Your story for glory, is right there in your face.

How to win a Nobel Prize

2007-09-19T00:25:00.000+08:00

1) Be born in the right time.

2) Choose the right institution to work in.

3) Choose the right collegues to work together with.

4) Choose the right animal to work with.

5) Choose a problem that has a destination that is within reach, and with a value attached to it that is worth pursuing.

According to Professor Sydney Brenner, all of us today are born in the right time. The advent of exponential technological advances have placed us all in the forefront of research, carving out its path with much greater ease compared to the last century.

The right institution, could be the Wellcome Trust Sanger Institute in Cambridge, or the A* Institute in Singapore, as suggested by him.

It all sounds pretty simple isn't it? He made it sound so elementary.

One more advice from him: Don't get the Nobel Prize too early in life, as you will not be able to attain any more awards after that. Grow your CV first, then end it with a bang -- with the luminary title of "Nobel Laureate".

SEP

2007-09-18T01:36:00.000+08:00

SEP fever is here.

Time to get excited about the long awaited Student Exchange Programme. I can't wait to spend an entire semester (or year if it's possible) abroad alone! Not that I dislike Singapore or my home. I'm just dying to cast myself away, alone in some far-away land. Left to fend for myself and being forced to meet new people. See new lands and uncover hidden oppotunities. An oppotunity of a lifetime (unless I do get a scholarship in the future for some overseas stint) that I would really want to seize.

Currently it's either King's College London, or The Karolinska Institute in Sweden - Home of the Nobel Prize. Prized for their biomedical courses, I certainly hope I can be equipped much more over there compared to in NUS.

The future looks bright, and there's much to look forward to!

taking fun seriously

2007-08-29T01:24:00.000+08:00

We are who we are. But does that mean we shouldn't try to add that little something better into who we arn't?

I happened to meet a certain someone for the first time the other day. I've heard of him before ---because when you're good at something, word spread fast. When your skill(s) are being praised by others, it amplifies a thousand times louder than you saying it yourself. So anyway, I met him and after introducing ourselves, I couldn't believe it was him at that moment. Well, it was the way he carried himself.

A humble spirit, and a light-hearted demeanor -- that was all that was needed to break the ice. And of course, humour always does the trick. That set me into thinking and self-assessment. What am I like today?

One of our country's leader once said: We should take fun seriously.

Ironical eh? But for serious people, maybe the introduction of fun would first warrant a certain degree of serious consideration into it first. Perhaps that was what he meant. (of course not!)

I personally find that injecting humour into a conversation is an art. Witty comments and quick get-back responses are things that spices up speech. Hearing that from someone would also build a lasting first impression. More importantly, these are the things that can shatter the ice... without excruciating effort. There are people who are naturally witty, and they make the world a happier place. Then there are the serious down to business people, who balances up the system. I suppose to change oneself, or rather, improve on what's lacking, would be to think like the other side.

I find myself a little too serious at times, and I'm getting bored of being serious. Conscious effort to crack some joke would make me look like a wannabe-fool. Keeping a hidden stash of witty replies is just way too fake. But I realized, if one would just stop for a moment during your sporadic serious moments and gaze into the brighter, lighter and optimistic side of life, your attitude towards things will change. And soon will your mannerism and speech naturally follow along.

Most of the time, it's the people that are relaxed and cheerful who portray a humble attitude. They are the ones that make you feel at ease with. And these are the people that brings life into broken souls. After all, laughter prolongs life, while frowning just makes one dull.

To that certain someone: the impression you gave me lasted. And it was contagious.

So perhaps PM (at that time) was right after all. To a country populated with serious people, let's start to take fun seriously. That is to say, start considering it. And perhaps, the initial conscious effort is what's necessary to get us started. To head for where fun actually lies - that is within ourselves.

Scientific faith?

2007-08-21T23:57:00.000+08:00

My recent embarkment into the scientific world has brought me an unusual surge in adrenaline and excitement. It's unusual because never in my life of formal education in an institution, have I recieved such satisfaction out of learning.

Science may seem to be the answer in modern civilization. The key to unlocking the mysteries of life. Yeah, that's mainly why I feel so intrigued about this subject. There's nothing but endless knowledge waiting to be uncovered in due time and put into good use. But can science be the devil when it conflicts with issues pertaining to faith? Is the scientific method the only method in bringing about a consenses among the community?

This semester, I decided to take the challenge of doing a writing module. Most people shun away from stuff that requires writing, except the mass comm and artsy students I suppose. It's main objective is to equip the science student with the skills to communicate all the fwee-fwee-fuah-fuah terminology and ideas into simpler yet consise writing, for an educated non-scientific person. The main goal is as such: If you manage to make that person understand and agree with what you write, you have suceeded! In this module of course. That sounds easy.. but not quite actually.

Our first task is to identify a scientific topic which is controversial and has room for argument. The topic that first came to my mind was "Creation and Evolution". But giving further thought into it, I think my case would never stand if it were to be judged by the scientific method: evidence that persuades.

Compelling evidences and theories in many aspects of science point in the direction of the latter. Eg. Geology, Anthropology, Chemistry, Biology, Fossil studies, Carbon dating etc. And as for the case of creation, faith is the driving force behind the beliefs of creationists. Many men and women of science who are creationists have tried to defend their case in a scientific way. However, I feel that the evidences they put forth can never convince an evolutionist. Primarily because they have already taken their stand before carrying out their research. Meaning to say, they are working towards pro-creationist evidence. What would convince however, would be providing evidences for both sides of the story, and then showing why one side is more compelling compared to the other. But honestly speaking, I think scientific evidence would point towards evolution, not creation.

I might have sounded like a pro-evolutionist up till here. But I'm not.

What I choose to believe in, is a God who created science. The same God that claimed He created everything in 6 days. I choose faith in God, over the evidence of things seen or percieved. The scientific method can never accept this, and I don't expect it to.

Ultimately, Creationists still base their believes on the Bible, while to an evolutionist, theories backed by supporting evidences is their sole yardstick.

Science is what He has created: It is the system of how He intended the natural things of this world to be runned on. It's a field to be deeply explored into. For peeking into the mechanisms God intended for this world to be governed by, is indeed unlocking the mysteries of life on this earth. It's looking explicitly at the awe and majesty of His design.

So, can science and God go hand in hand? I believe so. Creation never contradicts the creator. And as for evolution, I'll reserve my entire subscription on the topic when I get to ask Him face to face. Sometime... Sometime in the future.

And as for now, the one thing I'm quite sure is that I'll most probably NOT be attempting this topic for my paper.

Zwitterions

2007-08-19T00:18:00.000+08:00

Zwitterions are interesting chemical compounds. They differ from the normal ionic compound, as they can carry both a positive and negative charge in the same compound at the same time. Meaning to say, it is possible for them to bind with both cations and anions.

The zwitterionic state of a zwitterion is sometimes very hard to spot, as it only manifests itself as a zwitterion at its isoelectronic point: A particular pKa value, with only a very slight deviation. As such, zwitterions are commonly seen as either a negatively charged ion or a positively charged ion.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zwitterions

Some people are like zwitterions, and you can't really blame them. At least they have some sort of an ionic character, unlike compounds that display chemical properties uncharted in the realm of nature's chemistry. But just like zwitterions, their chemical behaviour contradicts many a times, leaving you to wonder if they are actually cationic or anionic in nature. It's only at the isoelectric point, that you get to see their true properties. And how often do you stumble upon its isoelectric point (pI)?

This is what I realized today.

So... what are you chasing?

2007-08-09T23:45:00.000+08:00

Everyone chases after something in life.

Humans either get motivated to do something with the hope of a reward at the end OR out of fear of punishment. That applies to everything. So at the end of the equation, after that ' = ' sign, still lies the letter 'I'.

Varsity life starts on Monday, and the anticipation is killing. But before school even starts, there is already an influx of thoughts and things-to-be-done. Goals are being set, books are being sought after, CORs is being flooded with enthusiastic bidders, new topics are being read before lectures start proper.

The race has begun.

Not that there's anything wrong about being prepared before school starts. After all, you applied for Uni to study, and to lay the pathway towards your career right? I'm sure any motivated student would be striving to be somewhere near that legendary CAP of 5.0

Just earlier on, I attended a birthday party of a sec sch/JC mate of mine. It's his 21st and I thought it was really quite well done. The party of course. At the end, he gave a speech which I thought was truely sincere and bold. He talked about the first 21 years of his life. Not that it's a long time, but at least he feels that every single year counts.

He shared about what are the things that we chase after in life. Are they things which have only earthly value and no eternal value?

"Do not lay up for yourself treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourself treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal." Matthew 6:19-20

Achievements and setting goals is an important aspect in life. Without vision from a leader, the people will perish. Likewise, without personal goals, a person's life would be meaningless. He'll just be floating where the wind carries him to, comparable to a wandering spirit.

But perhaps one should not be too carried away with achieving that goal, that he over exalts the letter ' I ' at the end of the equation. The journey should be even more important than the end of the road. In organic chemistry terms, learning the mechanism is more important than memorizing the final product.

I believe hard work is important, as amplified by the Parable of the Talents. But more so, is where we place our priority.

The journey, or the goal?

And as for those of us who put their faith in the eternal God, perhaps we should spend some (much) time searching and seeking what pathway we are being called to tread on, before setting out to achieve whatever goals we have planned. Is it the ' I ' that we seek to enlarge, or the 'Him' that we desire to be glorified?

Life Sciences is where I'm being placed in, because it appears to be the only academic area that I have an interest in. Before school starts in a couple of days time, I hope to get a glimpse of where I'm heading. I hope to know what's my calling in specializing in this area in the midst of this 4 years. Only then, can I put all my heart and soul in it with a sense of purpose and destiny. Only then, can I work and labour the rest of the days of my life with joy.

I was joking with a friend on my way back, about the calling of God in the lives of different individuals.

"There are some called to preach the gospel, and they are called missionaries.

Then there are some called to extend the lives of people where possible, to enable them to hear the gospel for a longer time. They are called doctors.

And there are some called to provide the means to extend the lives of people where possible, to enable them to hear the gospel for a longer time. They are called researchers."

So whether one is at the front-line of the spiritual warfare, or at the back supporting the spiritual warfare, I believe it does not matter, as long as it is where God wants you to be.

So it brings us back to the question...

What are you chasing?

It's Time To Blog

2007-07-30T22:13:00.000+08:00

It's good to be back.

Where was I where I left off? hmm

I'm outta army now. Life goes on, and school term is approaching really soon. I am SO so so excited about it. =)
I know I will be needing serious prioritising of my time. Lesser pool, more time on work. Hopefully I'd be able to get some spare time and some extra students, to perhaps finance that Student Exchange Programme I really hope to go. UC San Deigo!

Last last Sunday was church anniversary. Choir put up a really great performance and sang a really good song. I certainly do hope people wouldnt talk about it, cos... it was really different from the previous songs we ever sang. I wonder would it be the last anniversary I would be spending in this church? I pray for God's direction.

Went to the other church last sunday. I know something from God is happening, this week. Breakthrough is Now. The message really addressed my current needs right on the spot. And I know that it is God that spoke to me. I pray this is gonna be the door that God opens, and I'll walk through it by faith, and stay on the other side stedfastly.
Unlike the many times where God opened the door. I walk through it on Sunday, and I step back out of it by midweek. But He never gave up on me. Each time I go back there, He never fails to give me another chance. God has been tremendously faithful, and I got to experience it.

We sang a hymn, which was awfully familiar, during the service. Both the words and the tune truely spoke.

O God Beyond All Praising

O God beyond all praising, We worship You today

And sing the love amazing, That songs cannot repay

For we can only wonder, At every gift You send

At blessings without number, And mercies without end

We lift our hearts before You, And wait upon Your word

We honour and obey You, Our Great and Mighty Lord

Then hear O gracious saviour, Accept the love we bring

That we who know your favour, May serve you as our King

And whether our tomorrows, Be filled with good or ill

We’ll triumph through our sorrows, And rise to bless you still

To marvel at your beauty, And glory in your ways

And make a joyful duty, Our sacrifice of praise

May this week be the breakthrough week.
And may He tell me the direction I should go.

Chop-Pin

2007-02-20T00:42:00.000+08:00

Chopin (pronouced as "show-pun"), and not Chop-Pin.

Haha, got a scolding for making that mistake some years back.

He's one composer I never seem to get tired of being amazed with. I mean, how do these guys compose such stuff. Unlike Beethoven, his music is like musical poetry. At points in time fiery and agitated, but without the angst.

I'm currently studying the Ballade No. 1 in G minor, composed by him. Got inspired to take up this peice because in the movie "The Pianist", actor Adrien Brody, playing Wladyslaw Szpilman performed this piece in the later part of the film.

But the bad thing is that my family and neighbour's not going to get much peace from now on. *grin*

Anyway, here's a chinese guy who perfected it.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IESje9e0f-k

The Return Of The .......

2007-02-20T00:02:00.000+08:00

Definitely no king.

I was humbly probed of how important one's grasp and command of the First Language is, during one of the house visits this CNY. That brought me to the revival of this blog.

I seriously think I need to carry out some maintenace & improvement of my writing skills, of whatever's left. The onset of the upcoming 2 months of self-conducted Civilian Conversion Course got me thinking of what I want to do with my life, once I can proudly brandish my Pink IC. And good writing skills is going to be something I'm gonna need ever so dearly.

Of course, ORD has been over-rated, as one of my friends have put it. I think so too, but it sure is gonna be one damn good feeling.

- An oxymoron I got so tickled by: Military Intelligence -
It just sums up the sentiments of many

Resurrection Sunday

2006-04-16T18:36:00.000+08:00

This year's Good Friday & Easter Sunday was kinda different from the rest of the years.

The journey started way back last July, where choir started out preparations for cantata, scheduled on Christmas. But due to circumstances, it was delayed till Good Friday. Kinda long huh. Friday's performance was great, though I hoped the crowd would be more. Definitely a singing marathon, hmm. At the end of it though, I felt it was a little draggy. Maybe more animation and slides would have done the trick, or perhaps cutting down a couple of songs.
Thank God we managed to pull through all 3 days of performance, although I MIAed last minute on the sunday's one.

Sunday: which is today. Went down to kprbc for service instead. hmmm, I was contemplating last night, between the songs "Be strong and take courage" and "God knows your way", whether I should absent myself tomorrow and attend my friend's baptismal service. Yeah, it was wierd. The thought just came to me in the midst of all that high notes. I thought if I didnt go, I'll regret it. And I think I never regretted it. Today was the second time I just walked into another church by myself, and immerse myself in their worship service. Never done this before in my life. Well, I think it's good to do this occasionally, to see what can be improved in your own home church.

Anyways, it was a long time ago since I saw him. A decade to be exact. Heard of his name in the national level scene before, but wasnt sure if he was the guy. Haha. Well, glad that he's doing real well after all these years. =) hope to keep in touch with him.

There, I met a gal who showed me around the place. It's really nice to have someone to make you feel at home when you are visiting another church. Indeed, I felt at home. Praise God for her. She was warm and friendly, and made the effort to get to know the visitors.

But above all, today's indeed a special day, cos God provided a path of redemption for all mankind.

"HE is risen, hallelujah!"

^caleb out

9ball's still THE game

2006-02-03T23:31:00.000+08:00

I suck at chess. Lost all the blitz games game after game. I think too slow, and lose out on time. Then I move quickly w/o plans to prevent loss on time.

Still a long way to learn.

2006-01-31T18:15:00.000+08:00

End of the 3 day holiday saga. Back to camp tonight. = (

I keep thinking bout uni life. Bout how fun it'll be... how independent you'll be left to be... how exciting it can get... and how busy i'll be pushed till.
Thought of a friend who went over to the states for an exchange programme, and i'll definitely consider it if i get a chance to.

So anyway, back to reality => book into camp tonight.

Jiade just got enlisted last week... think he must be feeling darn sianz now.

^caleb out

9 ball's THE game

2006-01-14T23:49:00.000+08:00

I'm a noob in soccer. A big one.

Kicked the wall while playing street soccer, and my toes are swollen. And i gotta go outfield on mon. hmmm.. what should I do?

Bye '05

2006-01-01T20:49:00.000+08:00

Well well.

Back after such a long time of absence.

Maybe I do wanna keep this blog running... might as well start it again at the end of 05, and the beginning of a new year. Thinking back, I really forgot what were my resolutions i said in 31 Dec '04. But looking back, many things were done =) as well as left undone.

From... January: An experience of a first month of retirement. Yeah, unset alarm clocks, late unhurried breakfasts, totally OTOT schedules. Caught up with some pri sch mates too. Rare oppotunities.

February: Maybe retirement is not that exciting after all. At times bored to tears. Perhaps i'll try living a pool fanatics' life. Haha, still remembered the days where i trained like 7 hrs non stop, cos of those $15 vouchers and free table time the club gave me. =) And i got a break-cue!

March: Tsk tsk... life shouldn be spent this way. Go get a Job! ok.. i did, got 3 in fact. First was a telemarketer. Quit after 2 weeks cos I found out the company wasnt that truthful after all. Second was a waiter at Crystal Jade in holland v. Did part time, and after awhile, the boss only wanted full time, so I was out once again. Third was a part time house to house interviewer. Boy, i got a glismp of route march, in those attempts to save up on the bus fares.lol Yeah, finding jobs aint easy. Remembered the mornings where the first thing i did was flip open the classifieds, and walking up and down town looking for employers, as well as doing aimless windowshopping. Then, got my As results. Have to admit, I was kinda disappointed. But still thank God, it managed to get me where i wanted to go =)

April: Uh oh... my freedom's gonna get claimed real soon. Well, the claiming process wasn't that tough mostly cos i was like really bored at home w/o any job. So... an excited-over-army-not-knowing-what-he's-asking-for guy, got the taste of it a couple of weeks later...

May: Halfway there, just a little while longer.

2005-08-04T20:51:00.000+08:00

It's really been awhile since I felt so much while reading a novel, or rather, being in the novel. Feeling my heart melt at the sight of such a loving relationship between a boy and his dad, with tears and hugs and kisses and the fight to stay together. Or it being stabbed when the other parent decided to move abroad with her new boyfriend and her boy. And also the moments when grandad died, or the pangs of unjustice building when the ex-wife keeps digging into old wounds, only to hurl the dug skeletons at the guy.
I guess this novel speaks too well about life, married life, the more-and-more-common marriage life of couples today. Its sad, 'cos children will always be the one paying the bills when the line snaps. Innocent children, sweet innocent children with all pureness in their tender hearts.

Then it got me thinking... bout what I have, and what I want to have.
Love and romance... It's ironical, both so closely linked, but are never the same. Romance comes before love, and after a long period of love, its hard to revive romance. I'm no experienced guy in this. But I wonder, I wonder....

And soul searching came. Somehow or rather, one thought leads to another, and suddenly a whole chain is formed, without even me knowing where it actually started.
Was I still the quiet (almost mute in front of people I'm not close to), reserved guy I used to be? The kind of person I tried to do away with not too long ago. Still remember my younger days, especially in church. Never really felt relaxed hanging out with the youths, and always avoided them. Never uttered a single word in church cos I simply just had nothing to say. It was just totally an awkward feeling. I guess sometimes I still feel some of it the same way today.

I certainly wish I could be more of an "I" personality (for those who know the DISC) kinda person, like Will Smith. The kind who could naturally connect with anyone. The icebreakers who successfully cracks the icebreakees in those dumb games you have. The ones that never fail to come up with witty comeback lines when being cornered in a conversation. Sometimes I obeserve such people in action. Its just amazing the way they speak -- at least to me.
And I guess I'm still the "C" person -- analytical at his best, as well as the "S" person, reserved, stable... or simply, just shut upped kinda person.

But wierd as it sounds, I actually love debates. The problem I have however, is that I'm just not so keen on keeping updated, in general affairs. So the arsenal of facts for hurling and blasting at the other party just isn't there. Other than that, it's just me that somehow like to prove the other guy wrong. Don't mistaken me here. I'm no ego maniac. Just that I it thrilling finding loopholes and backdoors, especially in stereotypes.

On the way back awhile ago, whilst my face was buried deep inside my novel, with one hand clinging tightly onto the handbar, and my feet carefully balancing amidst a multitude of commuters, I somehow managed to overhear the conversation started by one of my going-home-khakis. One of them said he wished something like a war would happen, because many young people today dun give a **** care about their family and parents. Many don't show respect anymore, and many only care about having fun and pleasing themselves. The younger generation's taking many things for granted, and I agree that I too... take many things for granted. I've missed many moments of standing by the wayside, looking at whatever flowers are present in my life, and admire them, instead of scrutinizing what I do not have. I guess after reading that book, my perspectives are altered, and I see how much of importance it is to treasure the people and moments... while they last.
Anyway, back to the thought one of my friend had. Of course, the others of my 'going home party' wasn't for that idea of a war, or any sort of a tragedy.

But it did struck something in my mind. We are getting more discontented, more disrespectful, more whiney, more self-centred. The model of a family is also breaking up. Its not just between mum and dad, but also between parent and child. Parent's fault or child's fault? That's not for me to say, cos different families have different stories to tell. But I'm sure somewhere it lies with communication. To talk to mum and dad about what's going wrong in the relationship. To tell them about how you're feeling, or the way they treat you if its unfair. To tell mum and dad "I love you." Darn, why is it so hard, even myself. Pride? The culture? Sometimes I really wished Singapore had the culture and boldness of the west. To be more thick skinned and not worry about face all the time.

So many things worth giving a thought about. I sometimes think about having a son. That boy who'll be part of me, the one who'll be almost the centre of my universe. A person one can never stop loving, and that's your child. *snap snap* But am I ready for a child?

But I know, I did wish I had a younger brother.

^caleb out

9ball's THE game

2005-08-02T21:28:00.000+08:00

A Must Read: Man and Boy by Tony Parsons.

Halfway through it now, and I already know it's a Must Read. There were points where I was near to tears, and I realized I wouldn't know what to do if I were in his shoes.

A Must See: The Island.

Brilliant show... with appropriate amounts of serious issues and action scenes. Nightmare of science, I never thought this could actually be a possibility when I was writing countless GP essays last year on eugenics. Basically, it was just blind, factual essay writing. Now I understand... my eyes are opened.

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TGIF!

2005-07-28T23:09:00.000+08:00

Tmr's the day I've been looking for since Monday. hmm... I sound as if I'm so lazy.

Today, heard a heated debate, or rather argument in class free time. Felt like adding my 2 cents worth in it, but realized it aint gonna help anything. Just gonna get me all worked up and show the loud side of me. Yea, but I felt really kinda sad after what I heard.

When people get involved and immersed in a wrong kind of lifestyle... they just cannot see what's right or wrong anymore. It's just like a serial killer testifying that killing is nothing wrong, and that's scary. When one party's blinded, there aint any use for a debate or discussion, cos nothing will make sense.

Oh yea.. what do you get when u combine a Mazda and a Suzuki?
ok.. this is a private joke. Only those who experienced that @#$!*-&$^ fella will understand.

^caleb out

9ball's THE game

2005-07-27T21:20:00.000+08:00

Some songs just bring back memories. Thoughts that bring you back right to that moment in history. In history, where certain significant events of your life are being replayed, just by that song.

They make me wonder and think, of my actions... thoughts... and motives at that time. People say photos capture memories... yea, I think songs do too. Not by the lyrics, but by the song itself.

JC1-JC2 was really incredibly memorable. The 2 years of my 18 year long life that I remember the most. Too many things just happened. Hmmm... its really amazing. Why didnt so many revelations appear before that... Everything just occured in these 2 years, one after the other.
Those songs bring back tears... but at the same time, warmth.
Wished I could go back and re-live those moments, just for a while. It'll be pain, yet heartwarming. how ironic.

2005-07-24T18:21:00.000+08:00

The day's ending, and the beginning of the work-week is approaching.

Every Monday, I drag myself outta bed with Friday in mind.
Tuesday morning, I'm happy that Monday is finally over.
Wednesday comes, and I'm motivated to carry on, cos its the midweek. Just tahan abit more.
Thursday morning is a unique time with mixed feelings. On one hand, I'll think that tmr is Friday, and thats something to be happy about. On the other hand, I'll think, why isnt today Friday.
Friday... I'll obey my alarm clock with no grunts or cursed thoughts. Just get the day over and done with.

Friday evening is the happiest moment of the week. Cos of the mere fact that tmr's Saturday.. and you can turn in late without any worries of feeling grouchy the next day. lol
And then, Saturday just passes as if the day only has 12 hrs.

Sunday... wake up without much thoughts, and at dawn, this is what I'm thinking.

Hmmm... its not that I hate army life, and its not that I love it either (who does?). Just that most people just dread the work-week. And it seems that I never like to go out on weekday and Sunday nights, for the fact that tomorrow, I have to face the same routine again. The thought of waking up so early just makes me... sian

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today's the church's birthday. Sang in choir, and I think I sounded bad. Couldn reach those high notes. hmmm. luckily did some last minute warm up with YP.

Hmm, wish i could sing better, and sing with the correct techniques. Really admire those male vocalists like Clay Aiken, Josh Groban, Ewan McGregor... ok Ewan McGregor's an actor, but he has a great voice. Yeah.. listening to them makes me wonder if they even have a voice range cap. Its like... they can sing any note no matter how high it is. Clay Aiken's "O Holy Night" is just so beautiful. Shows his whole range and power. It's always in my playlist.. for any occasion, any time of the year. My dad once asked me.. "christmas over already rite?" lol
Wonder when his next album would be released... its been some time already.

I once read a book about Chest voice, Middle voice, Head voice. According to the author, it seems that most guys can actually reach the high notes, like from E-A, without straining, shouting or pain... If they use their middle voice. Well, if they can find the middle voice. I have the CD by that guy.. heard it thru (courtesy of Jet =) ) Hmm, cant seem to find my middle voice. It just sounds so good, that you can actually sing as high as Clay Aiken. Haha, and its not using falsetto at all. Its a solid, pure and clear voice. The wonders of middle voice.
Where are you.. middle voice?

Wished I could go for voice training, or simply, lessons. Hearing good vocal amatuers like Becky, makes you inspired. haha
But then again, where do I find the resources. Time... money... and time again. So many interests, so little resources. For that matter.. that's why a subject like econs ever existed.
Anyways... gotta pick certain stuff to concentrate on, and leave the rest for the future... or pick the rest up casually along the path of life. Cos.. time is never on your side.

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Spoke to Uncle Bern over lunch today. Told him bout my thoughts of an overseas expedition. Boy... he is interested in one too. =) thats great. Found the right guy. haha. Even wanted to sit down and discuss it in the coming months, when he's freed from his work projects. I'm looking forward to it. It'll definitely be great... the planning, the thoughts, the anticipation.. the everything.

^caleb out

9balls THE game

2005-07-23T22:01:00.000+08:00

Been thinking alot 'bout the trekking thingy. Hmm
I certainly cant wait to actually get started on it... wished it were tomorrow that I'll be going. Looking at all the trails in NZ, they all look so majestic. It'll really be an awesome experience, from shopping for equipment, planning the expedition, to walking it.
Already have an idea on which trails to plan for... but its still gonna be a long time from now. Gotta keep an eye for a hiking partner as well, or maybe 2 or 3 =) Dun wanna do it alone.

well well.. back to reality.
As usual, went and played pool at the usual place. Hmm, its somewhat like my CCA already. lol Always same time, same place, same game. Always happy to know more pple who like the game, and more pool khakis as well.
Yeah, and tmr the Jazz Piano Book that i ordered will be in town. Been waiting quite some time for it.
Yeah... I'm gonna be jazzin' from now on...

^caleb out

9balls THE game

Project NZ!

2005-07-20T22:42:00.000+08:00

Getting excited once again (ermm...) =p
Another goal in life to accomplish and look forward to, and something to make every new day interesting.

I'll call it Project NZ.

Been thinking bout backpacking, trailing, hiking... since... the day E Lim forbade me to climb Mt. Kinabalu, like... 3 years ago.

Now, I'm gonna realize the dream of stepping in one of NZ's trails. Hopefully... in year 2 of uni. Kinda far away yea. Enough time to save, learn, gain experience, condition and source for people interested. =) But of course, its long enough a time for a dream to fade away. Guess only time can tell how determined one is.

Till then, there's much to prepare... and everyday would be more colourful. =)

^caleb out

9ball's THE game

Signs You're In A 3G Army

2005-07-19T22:05:00.000+08:00

1) Complain complain complain... (There's always room for more improvement)

2) Pikachus (pai ka pai chiu) go rampant. Impossible to catch 'em all.

3) The favourite officer is none other than the MO (medical officer)

4) First thing to do in the morning after roll call -- Report to the above officer.

5) Sick personnel goes to A&E for flu, 'cos the polyclinic is closed.

6) Trainees and soldiers carry smoke grenades everywhere they go. Thickness and range of smoke screen depends on language proficiency.

7) The words "why you never ensure..." by superiors seldom works anymore. (refer to above point)

8) Ninjas don't just operate in Japan anymore.

9) "Stay in" often inflicts fear.

10) Hotline numbers become a weapon.

11) Working towards an idealistic army. But currently, we're just short of an 'a'.

12) When rations taste better than cookhouse food. eg. Black pepper pasta & Japanese noodles.

13) Deserts served during meals includes mangoes and kiwis.

Lastly, (adapted from Kwok Siong)
14) Everything in the army is chargeable, except handphone batteries.

Facelift!

2005-07-17T18:14:00.000+08:00

phew! Managed to revamp this site. Being such a n00b at html, was struggling so hard with it, tweaking the original code here and there, like colours.. links.. fonts.. blah blah

Now that it looks more interesting, maybe I'll like my page even more =) talk bout ownership. lol

Hmmz, love that picture above. Took it in NZ... a place there where the weather changes every few minutes. One moment it'll be sunny, the next it'll rain, and then thunderstorm... caught that pic in foul weather. Just so beautiful.

ok, gotta go buy dinner. laters

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Random Thoughts

2005-07-03T22:54:00.000+08:00

No particular topic to talk about this week.. so i'll just ramble on whatever comes to my mind.

Was back playing the piano in service today. Glad to be able to play again after being MIA for sometime. Hmm, I dunno why, but I've been losing alot of concentration in main service for many many weeks already. Issit cos I'm physically tired? or I just cannot connect with God... hmmm

Somehow, I feel that there's alot of things pastor's referring to in church, from the things he said in the sermon. Like an indirect hint or indirect referrence. Am I thinking too much? Or perhaps there really is something going on.. Hmm.. pray.

I'm still thinking bout my personality. Wanna be more outspoken... but then again, I wont be myself anymore. Just cant stand the times when I'm with certain people, and I feel inferior. Not exactly inferior actually, but just that... feel that they are older and can handle things and situations better.
Wanted to talk to someone today.. but didnt have the time after church. Hmmmz, rushy rushy. Long service today, plus a meeting after that.. and by then he was gone. Oh well... next time then.
Some people are just borned with such a pleasant character. The kinda people who are naturally funny and witty. And there's another kind of people who makes decisions, and everyone else will just follow.

Now its pool fever in my house, and im sure around the world. WPC 2005!! Long awaited event. heh. The only pool event that ESPN will feature according to its schedule. lol 7 hrs everyday... whoohoo
www.worldpoolchampionship.com

^caleb out

9 ball's THE game

...a breath for reminiscence, and back to reality...

2005-06-27T22:23:00.000+08:00

Wow... Its seriously been a long long time when I was last here. One day before enlistment, till now, when I'm long out of BMT. Hmm, the blogging scares also make me think twice before I dare post anything here.. oh well.

BMT, came and go just like that. That's easy to say when you're looking back actually. In the midst of it, I'll never ever say that.

Well, it wasn't that bad actually. Although I was in the Pes C batch, being in Mohawk Coy actually made up for the supposedly slackness due to excluded training programmes. The infamous Mohawk Coy... Hmm, but its thru hardship and endurance that a person is changed for the better, physically and mentally. The guys there are nice, instructors arnt that bad after all, except for a few which no one likes.

But one thing Tekong does to you.. is increase your knowledge, and widen your vocab of many fanciful vulgarites of a range of dialects... of which some are particularly the favourites. Its actually kinda brainwashy... If you're not careful, somehow or rather, you'll discover yourself adding them to your daily conversation.
I wonder if SISPEC actually does have a pre-requisite to understand and use this complex way of communication, or they actually have a course for those who cannot grasp the intricacies of this fine art, despite constant direct exposure.

Or maybe, its time I say... Welcome to the real world.

Fun, or rather.. memorable I should say, definitely was field camp. One week before it, I was getting kinda worried, cos the skies doesnt seem very cooperative. The worst thing to happen in a field camp... is rain. Yeah, and my biggest nightmare came thru... straight during our route march there. Well, it didnt end there... morning thunderstorms came on 2 consecutive days. It did save us from 5BX and long runs with your dreaded wife, but the price for the exchange was high. SAF groundsheets can never be trusted, and if you're thinking of backing it up with their poncho... forget it. So, the roof of my basha was practically... useless. Thunderstorm was quite bad.. and I almost thought I'd turn unconscious due to hypothermia after rolling about in that sandpit for bout 2 hrs with a thunderstorm raging above. It reminded me of the time I went New Zealand in winter, but this time with a drenched no.4.

Then came the last day, where suddenly everyone's morale was so high. Everyone just wanted to get out of that God-forsaken place. Yeah, and some people just had to spoil the mood by not covering the shit hole. So... there was shit everywhere, and thats what we got in return too. There came our string of punishments, with a finale of the unforgettable full field pack over the head, followed by a run around the compound with our beloved wife held high up. My hands almost came off...
But overall, it was a good experience... Endure & Excel!

Enough of BMT... Finally out of that dreaded island. Now I'm posted for a 4 month course. Logistics side, training to be a CQMS. Job sounds kinda stressful... and stocktaking's gonna be my forte 2 years down the road. lol

Now I'm back to the reality of life, which is you never have enough time. Now I understand what's it like to go to work, and come back with so many things you wanna do, but just can't. Its so much more different in school. Somehow, you'll still be able to squeeze time out to do the things you want back then. Like go back early, or skip a couple of lectures, hide in the library and surfing the net.. Now its really hard. I miss those days. Simply just can't wait to go back to school and study.

Last Sat went to play some pool... and tregedy struck. The joint protector screw broke inside the cue joint... and my heart was almost torn apart. Ok, abit too drama. Well, something of that kinda feeling. All cos of my stupidity. Heard a crack sound, and I turned it even harder. Hmm... thankfully, my dad managed to unscrew it. *Whew* But spoiling things is also a good thing, if you look in another angle. It gives you a reason to buy a new one. =D
Mezz PowerBreak... that's a dream.. but currently no $$
SAF's allowance is just enough for food and transport.

I want more time... more time... more time

Wished I could play more on the piano... Wanna start playing jazz, which is like a formidable mountain waiting to be conquered.
Wished I had more time to read novels, read books on certain subjects.
Wished I had more time so I can learn how to drive.
Wished I had more time to play pool.. like the days before enlistment.
And I hope I'll spend more time with God despite this hectic life.

^Caleb out

9 balls Still THE game

Finally?

2005-04-21T21:29:00.000+08:00

Tmr's the day... THE day. Off to the island resort, where accomodation's all free! But again, dearest Kwok siong would disagree, with his alternative theory, bout 'free' food and lodging WITH allowances. haha. Hmm, actually, this post is dedicated to dearest kwok siong, cos he specifically requested it =) lol U better read it man!

Lemme see... so far, I've been a great right-hand man for kwok. Cos i'm the last one to be captured. So, anything that deals with the outside world, i'll provide intelligence for him while he's being cut off from it, for the time being. Stuff ranging from making phonecalls... to checking soccer scores and movie timings. = ) ok.. shant make him sound so bad.. actually that's bout all, i think... lol And once in awhile, he'll send me some messages to ka chiao me... though he's not presently around, his presence is definitely felt. But its not exactly bad you see, at least there's some humour in my daily routines... haha.

So, back to the Thesis, (remember HHH?) what I did on my last day as a civilian.
Hmmm, all these while while waiting for tmr, i never really felt any sense of being worried.. until this morning.. where i realized i had 1 more day only. (Topic sentence)
*interrupted, with a message from kwok, hoping that i had a great day*
1 more day of waking up AFTER the cock, thats the most important fact actually. Its gonna be back to what I've been doing every morning for the last eh... 12 years of my life? actually 15 years to be exact.

Anyways.. met up with some people in the afternoon. Had lunch with bro. Joshua at some chinese restaurant, serving la mian. lol yum yum... last minute enjoyments. Den met up with Jiade n chun kiat... played some pool n talked awhile. Actually, thats bout it. Just had dinner at home and now im typing this.

Gonna miss many things and people. Guess being away frm home, i should miss home and family. well, good thing there's such a thing called the hp. But i do like the idea of communal living though.. haha. Meet new people, make new friends, do things together... Yer, but it'll be better if its minus the strict discipline and rules part. This kinda brings back the memories of junior's camp at st. john's island. Havent been there in ages. Miss the bunk living kinda feeling, the eating together.. blah blah
Gonna miss some close friends too. jd, shaun.. But good thing there's an invention called the sms. Well, at least i'll be closer to my class people, cos im finally with them in the army. lol

For sure, I'll miss twhacking balls on the pool table. Its been a daily routine already. 2 hrs of daily practice! I'll definitely remember those couple of days where i spent 8 whole hours there non stop playing and practicing, for free =D cos of the vouchers i have to use up. I think there will never be such a chance anymore... unless 1 fine day i decide to take leave and do such things. lol Maybe i'll start dreaming of coloured numbered balls rolliing about in my sleep, withdrawal syndrome u see. Like what Alwyn said: "Not playing pool is a sin". Whahahah Ok, that's abit extreme. I'm not at that level yet.

Yea, and of course my favourite past-time: Checking mail! Hmm, kwok and wes always wonders what i do online. And thier conclusion... checking mail. Maybe its just me. Sometimes i'll go into my account like... 3-4 times a day. Somehow, there's always new messages. I wonder why also. Hmm, imagine 30 unread messages. Its quite a sight to me. But it'll be good, I'm kept away from the PC! maybe i have been spending too much time online... sometimes doing nothing but listning to music and stoning. Shaun can vouch for that.

Ok, enough said. Off to see who's gonna get kicked out on american idol.. hope piggy goes home today =) i dun like him. haha

Tata

^caleb out

9 ball's THE game

2005-04-04T00:37:00.000+08:00

Haix...

Had a few games just now, played like crap. Was missing practically every shot, all the simple ones as well!! Positioning was terrible. Stuff I could play in practice, I just blew it all just now. Felt so discouraged and disappointed halfway through the game. Think that affected my concentration and confidence even further, up to the point that I was thinking twice bout every shot i made. Thats terrible.

After the game, Lionel taught me some ways to practice. yeah, he made me feel much better.. haha, cos every player goes through that same phase. I was assured. A comment he made that made me ponder: "S'pore players can never play like the professional players (Taiwanese, Philippines, Europeans, Americans etc) because of their mentality. They don't have a will power and confidence strong enough as them." ok, its not what he said word for word here, but thats the main idea. I think I have to agree on that. Firstly, S'pore lacks the support of society to groom professional sports people, and also, we lack the mindset to make it big in the world scene.

^caleb out

9balls THE game

2005-04-02T00:06:00.000+08:00

Am I having second thoughts? or just some sweeping thoughts that will vanish into oblivion after awhile, perhaps only to be awaken maybe some other time, when some spark reignites it...

Hmm, Yong Siew Toh conservatory flashed through my mind. I have 2 years to think hard. Haha, that's if the thought stays.

Anyway, spent 6 hrs at the table today. Whoa, too much free time right? lol. I gotta use up my vouchers before im enslaved in army. Met another player today, who was playing alone, like me... Had a couple of games, race to 19! Haha, in the end, played 37 racks... lol.. and i lost -_-'' 18-19. Think it was like... 3 hrs?
Bahh, missed stupid easy shots. Maybe i was thinking no big deal whether win or lose... but that shouldn be the attitude. Oh well, it was just a friendly game.

I fell in love with piano again. Suddenly, i'm finding my way back to Beethoven's sonatas, Chopin's nocturnes and etudes... And i mastered Christian Sinding's "Rustle of Spring"!!! Great achievement! haha... Suddenly i see the hidden beauty of these compositions, the brilliance and gift of these masters. Hmmm, i wonder why. Issit because of the novel i just finished? maybe.. who knows.

I guess... to keep an interest alive, for a long time... for a long long time, you definitely need occasional, or maybe frequent boosts of inspiration. From the professionals, or from some other sources.

Pool... got my inspiration and motivation to keep playing, improving and enjoying the game when I watched the Pro tour that stopped by Spore a couple of weeks ago live. That 16 year old Taiwan finalist was my inspiration, that made me fall in love with the game again. And of course, the video i saw, of a 12 year old boy playing, and all the 12 year old champions out there winning junior tours all over in America.

Wished S'pore could open up the pool scene, or any other local sport for that matter, instead of just televising useless EPLs and Spanish Leagues, that are just for people to comment over lunch, and fill up the back few pages of The New Paper, or make a small fortune outta it. Ok.. im no soccer fan. But seriously, if only the media could support the local sporting scene. Where's all the local action? Why no frequent tournaments organised for the local players, in all respective sport organisations? Why cant there be local Leagues happening for the different sports... besides the long happening Tiger Cup? Wish some super rich guy would step in some day... Media plays a huge role in creating interest. Wish the gahmen will one day lift the 16 year old ban for pool halls some day... some day.

Hmm, stay tune for another post... to hear me bitch in detail of issues with regards to the above mentioned. haha

Gotta get back my inspiration in music, dun wanna lose it. Maybe I'll stop by the piano recital next week at the esplanade. That'll blow my mind off.. Im sure.

^caleb out

9ball's THE game

2005-03-29T22:00:00.000+08:00

Yayy, finally got it! my first break cue... Fury Break Jump. Cost quite abit, and tt guy refused to give me any discount. -_- Got a 2 by 2 cue case also, for 8 bucks off. Better than nothing rite.. haha, will be off to pool 'training' every morning, since i got 2 hrs free every morning. = D

Some things are just so bothering. I dunno whether its meant to be... only God knows.

I'm just some guy, who means no harm. hahaha

2005-03-26T21:18:00.000+08:00

back frm revival camp in church. Was great! the service, the supper, the company, the staying up and turnin high by laughin thru the night... blah blah... been a long time since i had something like this. But now, gotta repay the sleep debt, or i'm really gonna start walking into walls or something.

hmmz, feel like another war's starting to churn... yikes. hope it'll go off, cos i dunno how it just blowed up overnight. feel like i gotta tell someone, but its a risk... always a risk

^caleb out

9ball's THE game

2005-03-23T00:34:00.000+08:00

Spent 5 1/2 hrs at the pool table today... was kinda frustrating, not being able to play like the pros ", Was really mentally drained after that, didnt know pool could be that tiring... was even perspiring after that.

Finally, think i've more or less decided on getting that break cue, supposed to be coming in this week, but they havent called yet. Fury Break/Jump... gonna eat up half of my miserable savings. Well, I fell in love with the game, so I'll just make the necessary investments, dun wanna overspend... Going to get enlisted soon too... I'm really excited about it, am looking forward to it too. = )

Money doesnt grow on trees u know... Yeah!

"Concrete Angel" - Martina McBride

2005-03-10T12:02:00.000+08:00

Almost cried when I saw the MTV of this song. Really such a beautiful, sad song...

"Concrete Angel"
She walks to school with the lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she's holdin' back
Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday
She hides the bruises with linen and lace

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask
Bearing the burden of a secret storm
Sometimes she wishes she was never born

Chorus:
Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it'll be too late

Repeat Chorus

A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

Repeat Chorus

"Because You Live" - Jesse McCartney

2005-03-10T11:51:00.000+08:00

I fell in love with the song the moment I heard it.

"Because You Live"
Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call
I've been looking for the answerS
omewhere
I couldn't see that it was right there
But now I know what I didn't know

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again
Cuz of you, made it through every storm
What is life, what's the use if you're killing time
I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live, I live

Because you live there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has everything I need to survive

Because you live, I live, I live

I MISS school. I MISS studying

2005-03-05T23:02:00.000+08:00

Just got back the long awaited A level results yesterday. The excitements of life eh.
Well, the truth is that I was... and perhaps am, disappointed with my results. But I'm thankful for it (is it ironical?) Was expecting more, esp. Biology... actually, everything. hahaha

After spending the last 3 months doing nothing much... just passing time, seeing the second hand go tick tock on the clock, with my butt perpetually glued to the sofa, feeling nauseatic after watching hours of TV, my money being unnecessarily spent on stupid gun machines, pacing up and down town looking for something new to see, shoving in the midst of crowds and cursing in my mind why can't people don't block the way and walk a little faster. Yeah, you get the idea. Except for my one month of working, and the time i spent at coffee bean sipping iced tea reading some form of literature, or writing songs. The rest of the time was... Fruitless. Arghh.. i'm such a time waster... I'm gonna be judged for it someday!!!

Was talking to SP yesterday on the bus, about the things you think and ponder about when you have TOO much time. Boy, it was scary... We had the same outcomes of having too much time, you start thinking too much, you start analysing nonsense, you get moodswings, you get on-off depressions... etc. I'm kinda scared of retirement now... Can't imagine when I'm 60 and still single, facing retirement.. Oh no, these 3 months really scare the hell out of me already. Hmm, perhaps its because most people are in army, dun really have much places to go to, and the people to go with. My close friends are either in army, or busy studying...

Think i'll appreciate university very much m0re when i go in, and if i can get into my first choice, I think i'll be so much more motivated to REALLY STUDY and put in my all.... cos now I'm kinda worried i'll not be able to get it, cos of fierce competition. Hmmm, I hope all those people with results that seem impossible to achieve will all go and fight it out in Medicine, and the losers of the battle get some scholarship in medicine in some other country, and leave my course alone. Haha... Once you secure that precious seat in university, away with the A level cert. Tear up the grades, no one cares about it anymore!! Its the new road, to Bachelors, Masters, Doctorates... high hopes eh.

And then again, what if my interest change along the way? Ahhh, cos now I only have 1 plan in mind, 1 interest in what to study in mind. I really hope i'll get in...

2005-02-24T18:11:00.000+08:00

People don't talk much about the love friends have for one another.
Oh, we talk about liking friends.
But some friends add so much more to our lives,
That "like" just isn't strong enough to describe the bond.
You're that special kind of friend.
I never get tired of your company,
And I can always be myself with you,
Confide in you, depend on you.
So I just thought I'd let you know,
That I don't just like you - I love you...
For being such a great person,
Such a good friend.

-Cheryl Hawkinson-

Hugs

2005-02-13T21:41:00.000+08:00

Decided to write bout this topic, cos it's been on my mind for sometime already.

Still remembered the time in Sec 3. The Fairfield PB committee was sent to SJI for a 3 day camp with their school councilors. Its just some enrichment camp sorta thingy, and a learn-from-them session... cos we were also about to do a organisation restructuring, which would later bring about the involvement of the dearly beloved P Song, but that's totally another story.. so anyway.

Back to the post. One thing that I remembered the most in that camp, was a session called: the hugging session. Okay, that aint the official name of that program, cos i would have forgotten it anyway. But what we did that session, was hug. Haha Well, we were all seated in the lecture theatre... and the brother (they're a catholic school) who's also the teacher-in-charge of the council was giving a lesson on hugs. The different types of hugs, between man and woman, between friends, or the pervetic hug. I guess there's nothing different bout the techniques of hugging.. or are there? hhaha.. but guess he was telling us the motive behind the hug. So he was introducing to us the 'hug therapy', something the western world is so familiar with, and which I envy too. After his lecture, he hit the CDs and asked everyone to hug one another. So imagine a whole LT full of guys, going around hugging each other, and getting all emotional and hyped up...

Hugs.. I really love them. Who wouldnt? But the big problem here in S'pore is that... it aint our culture! Hmmm, sometimes I really do wish I could recieve hugs from friends, and I wanna give them too. It doesnt matter if a guy or a gal gives me one... cos I feel that true hugs speaks so much more than words. Its the feeling of closeness, of warmth and love that says so much. Yeah, I believe in touch therapy, but I never got a chance to give my loved ones hugs. Perhaps cos we're all shy. Sometimes I see the Americans or westerners hugging thier friends when they meet, even the opposite sex. It gets me wondering, can we adopt that? Or are we bold enough to step out to do it? The only times i got to hug people is in Changi. Haha... I really wish it could be our societal norm. An expression of love, of gratitude... and how much you mean to the other person. A simple hug just speaks so much, esp. in times of a need of a friend.

I thought about this before, whether to give hugs to my closest friends. Hmmm... but wasnt sure if he is comfortable with it. Perhaps the next time i'll just do it, and heck what society thinks.
There aint nothing wrong with being conservative. In fact, conservative is good... but but I sure just wish some of our culture could be changed, and be a little more open minded.

I'm so Blessed

2005-02-01T21:13:00.000+08:00

Thank you God.

I feel so blessed. Despite all the many times I went against You, You still blessed me. Thinking back, I got what I longed for 2 years ago. I got it now, and I'm never going to let go of it. Never ever...
I was longing for a friend, a friend thats just so close... like brothers.
I felt that we made it to the next level. And he's so special to me. Many things went on between us, and perhaps that did strengthen our friendship. ^^ Someone I can totally confide in, and he feels the same way too. Barriers have been torn down, and i'm so grateful for that. Afterall, it takes two hands to clap.

In fact, God actually blessed me with 2 such close friends, both with unexpected beginnings. "His ways are not my ways..."

Right now, I just wanna cherish all the good times we have... and I hope we'll stick through all the rough times that we'll surely meet ahead.
May this be a gift that last for a lifetime. -Till death do us apart- Haha... sounds like a wedding. lol

2005-01-29T01:31:00.000+08:00

My life would never be the same, without the 2 of you.
Love you guys.
Thanks for everything we shared!

Just pretend... you never knew

2005-01-28T01:48:00.000+08:00

I'm shocked, I'm sad... but I don't know why!
I doubt its jealousy, and I doubt its judgement.
Maybe its care, or concern, or paranoia... that brought me to this stage.
But I realized, I never needed to know everything.
Learn to respect secrets, cos they speak for themselves.

The good times were over, perhaps its only me feeling this way.
But I cherished every moment spent those days.
I don't know about you, but I hoped you did.
Now that it's gone, or rather, I feel that its gone...
I accept it.
For good things always come to an end.
Since I enjoyed every moment spent, in that relationship with you,
I have no regrets.
Accepting it is the next step.
I know your pain, your problems you're going through.
Maybe not all, or maybe none at all.
I'll still be around though, just that I'll back down.

An overly intuitive mind, a far too curious me,
Thats my biggest problem.
Perhaps all is caused by disappointment,
Disappointment that shouldn have been created.
Disappointment due to expectations, due to knowing.

I guess right now, I'll just pretend.
Pretend I never knew.
And forever, choose not to know.

2005-01-27T22:30:00.000+08:00

After waitering for 3 days, and recieving money after every day at work, I understand how much my parents went through to bring me up, providing for me everything. The luxuries I wanted, they got for me. I realize its not easy. They were self-less. Their salary used up not on themselves, but on me... and I am so thankful for them. Money ain't that easy to earn... But it certainly is so easy to spend. I'm scared... I can't be like them, cos its so hard. There certainly is something different between the 2 generations. The previous was self-less. The present is self-fish. Anyway, I have to learn to be self-less... for its better to give, than to recieve.

Tomorrow, the boss doesnt need me. He has enough manpower. I thought of going to Queensway, in search of my pair of dear Teva shoes which I cant seem to find at World Of Sports. Their having some offer now at World of Sports, and Teva is a very very good buy! I definitely wanna get a pair before the offer ends. Im certain the pair of shoes can last me for at least 5 years, in terms of wear and tear... I have faith it can last even longer than that, just that my taste will change in less than 5 years. = (
Thought of returning back to SA since its nearby also, and with work schedule, I'll have lesser time to slot that agenda in. However... ... I suddenly feel afraid of askin him whether he's free tmr or not. I have a hunch he's uninterested. sigh. Maybe its just me. I dunno... I just have that hunch. I hope that its just me, hope that there aint any friction between us...

2005-01-21T22:10:00.000+08:00

Just met up with Shaun yesterday. Was so happy finally can meet up... after 2 years of MSNing, finally get to talk to him. Its really a miracle how we got to know each other. The most unexpected ways, and we ended up being such good friends in the end. We feel comfortable opening up to each other, no barriers. Hmmm, I only have 2 such friends who are this close to me. Its just such a great blessing to have them both. = )

He's in the army now, but dun really like it there. Hmmm, who likes being in the army anyway? I think im looking forward to it though. hahaha... Now everyone's out for the moment, cos of hari raya... MSN nicks are flooded with army stuff.. -_- Next time when im outta camp and in gatherings, I'll always remember what one of my gal friends said... Dun crowd with the guys and talk abt army stuff, leaving the girls to group by themselves and talk bout other things. Yeah...

I like this phrase shaun sent to me...

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? I thought I was the only one." -C.S. Lewis

2005-01-17T23:23:00.000+08:00

Just resigned from my job today. Partly because i cannot imagine myself saying the same line for the next 12 weeks. It has only been 1 week and I already cannot find the motivation to pick up that phone and repeat the same old routine. Another reason... cos I discovered that the company aint exactly what they told me they are. Dun wanna be related to any of this sorta thing.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to another job. Yeah, Only got 3 months, might as well try as many jobs as i can. Pay is secondary, experience is the main focus. Maybe i'll go try work at breeks next week onwards. Hope they need part-time staff.

I havent been down at the gym for a long long long time. Maybe i'll wake up early tmr and make my way down. Should I swim also? Think i'll go rent a vcd too... or i'll practically do nothing at home.

I'll Stand By You

2005-01-15T01:33:00.000+08:00

Heard this song over the radio today at work. Although the lyrics aint exactly the message i mean, the Title speaks it all. I'll stand by you, I promise.

So if you’re mad, get mad
Don’t hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I’m a lot like you
When you’re standing at the crossroads
And don’t know which path to choose
Let me come along’cause even if you’re wrong
I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you

A season of rest, for the weary soul

2005-01-13T23:28:00.000+08:00

Was reading thru my 'secret diary'. Heh, now its no longer a secret. lol

Just some collection of my feelings and thoughts, mostly sad ones...for memories sake. It brought back emotions so fresh, so clear.

I'm troubled and sad. Wish I could do something and help this friend I really love. Wish I could help relief the pain and the weariness for him... but I can't. Only to God can I commit. I'll have faith. God will do something... something. Perhaps all these is for HIS glory. God please bless him like You blessed me.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

2005-01-11T23:45:00.000+08:00

I got a job!!! yayy... ok. Its a rather dumb job though. Just call people and make appointments for some fair. Actually, its just asking them to come and stay for awhile, be a little thick skin, ignore the sales people there and after that, take your free gifts and zhao. Yeah, that simple. Well, but i dun think everyone out there in the world is that gian as me... ahhaha. Not so desperate for free gifts. Well, the S'porean blood is running thru me, not my fault! But really, where can u find such things... stay for an hour plus and you get some portable VCD/CD/mp3 player for free.... plus other vouchers, discounts and more. hmmmm
Will never forget one call I made today.

Me: Hello, may I please speak to ____ ?(fill in a name)

Recipient: Huh?! ____ si liao lar! kar diang wey hor yi chuea si mi??

Hmm, how do you respond to that?

Yesterday, got one confirmed appointment. Beginners luck eh. Maybe its just to motivate me. And today i got none. Hmphh... Well, i still have 68 more days to work. 2 days and its so tiring already. Haha.. cant imagine the rest of the days. Just call n call n call n call... .... Ears are growing bigger by the days...

Hmm, its only been a short while. Not even a week. I seriously think i havent gotten over you yet. Yikes... I have nothing to say. Just need to keep myself busy, and emotions under control, or history will repeat itself again.

I dunno whats wrong with me. I'm losing a hold of myself in some area... God help me, before it gets outta hand.

Emotions

2005-01-10T17:51:00.000+08:00

This is one hard thing to understand. Well, its the thing that makes us human too... Hmm. I wonder is it possible for anyone to be able to control his emotions totally. Thats inhuman isnt it?

Matters of the heart is another one darn hard thing to understand. Nah, im not in love... just pondering. Maybe i'm too free. lol
Love and crushes can cause you to do real stupid stuff, or do rash acts or say words you only mean to at that moment... all because of emotions. And how do you forget a person once you breakup, or when both are never meant to be together? Hmmz... Maybe time is the answer, but time is way too long. Are humans made to be in control of their emotions?

Feeling kinda down inside now = ( Something's botherin me... A close friend of mine is having kinda a rough time now, maybe that's why i'm feeling like that. He's going through what feels so close to me, cos I went through that path a short time back. The feelings of it so fresh. And it sucks. I don't profess to be some experienced expert in this, cos I too have no idea how to deal with it better. I'm just so glad I'm closer to getting out of it. And I really wish everything for him could be just back to normal, just at the command of his lips, but it aint possible. I wanna help, but I dont know how. Maybe that's why I'm feeling blue...

McDermott

2005-01-08T13:59:00.000+08:00

McDermott MG-21

Now I'm eyeing on this... o_o Just love the simple design and deep colour, and the butt is so unique. McDermott...

U-21 8 Ball 2004

2004-12-30T01:42:00.000+08:00

Hmm, just came back from pool haven. Went there with Chun Kiat and was watching Zach play today... He lost 5-4. yikes. Thought he would win. He's a good player, hmm, i guess he was a little too confident. Was leading 2-0, then started missing the 8 balls. Careless I guess.

I played yesterday, my first match. I won 5-3. Opponent is quite a nice guy... Friendly and a good opponent. Not those guai-lan kind. Haha. Hmm, saw him at pool haven today, and played some games with him... and I made a new friend! Haha, got to make friends with my opponent. lol... I find that that's nice. This is my first competition, and judging from the skill level of the whole pool of players, honestly speaking, I don't stand a chance of going far. But its alright, I just joined for the fun and experience, and to see where do I stand. Tomorrow's my next game. I hope to win, but if I don't, its alright too.

I find that the competition environment makes you more alert, makes you more careful and serious. In the end, you play better games. I found that yesterday, I played my best series of games ever. It was my peak so far. Accuracy was high, although positioning was abit crappy. Well, at least I was putting in my best effort. But I still lack many skills, and I've a long way to go...
Saw Lionel play with that National youth guy today. Oh man, I see his draw shots and his stroking, I'm so inspired. He draws the whole length of the table! And his positioning is superb... Hmmm, and he only played seriously for 1 year only. A really fast learner and good pool player.

Oh well, tomorrows another game. All the best for me! =) Win or lose, I'm already satisfied with how I performed in the first match.

In HIS Time

2004-12-23T01:40:00.000+08:00

Its so easy to say "In God's Time". But in actual fact, its so so hard to wait, cos now I don't even know if its in God's plan, and this... I'm just SO worried about. =`/

Went out just now with some friends. Walked the whole of town shopping. Haha, was definitely a wonderful time meeting up with each other again. Packed schedules, just so hard to catch up. The time we have together is so precious, and i treasure every moment I spend with you guys! Gonna miss you all when school starts. Hope to meet up again soon, and catchup... Hmmm, was supposed to be a shopping trip. Yep, they ended buying lotsa stuff, and me... none. Didn't have the heart to spend the money... Don't wish to empty the last of my savings, though I saw a really nice belt I'm gonna go get soon. = o )
Still have the pool cue in my wish list. Haha, and need money too for training in pool too. Well, but can't possibly spend everything in pool. Duh! There are much more important stuff to spend in.

My best pal's having some rough time now. Hmmm, I really feel very sad for him. Not in the sense of pity. I dunno too, but I know I feel real sad too. I want to help, but I really don't know what I can do to help. I feel that sometimes I'm too naggy. Yeah, and I hate myself for that. I need to have some bo-chapness in me. I'm just too concerned bout everything, and too practical too. I need some sense of heck-care spirit in me! Anyways... I hope things get settled soon before the new year starts, where I believe no one wants to start on the wrong foot. Call it bad luck or what, it just isn't nice lah.
Maybe I just need to be a listning ear, thats all. I hope you'll find a way out soon, and I wish you the best.

Unconditional love... or Agape Love. 2 big words. I feel that only God can give this kind of love, cos deep down inside, everyone will have the slightest tinch of wanting a return when you give to someone else. Yet, this is the strongest kind of love.
But there's always this question... dependecy? or love?

I made a pact with God on my way home.
The question now... is whether He accepts this pact, and whether its in His will, and time...
Please let it be.
I beg.

The Greatest Love

2004-12-18T21:22:00.000+08:00

If you ask me, would I wake up at 3am just to hear your problems.
If you ask me, would I re-schedule all my appointments and schedules when you need me.
If you ask me, would I be back for the biggest occasions and highlights of your life, wherever I may be on this earth.
If you ask me, would I put in my best effort in helping when you need help.
If you ask me, would I be by your side when you call for it.

To that special friend out there... All these, I will.

If you ask me, would I die for you then.
To that special friend out there, this, with all my heart... I will also.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." Jn15:11

2004-12-17T21:00:00.000+08:00

Just came back from Juniors camp. Its really nice to work with the kids, all the cuteness... and innocence. lol First time as worker, its really fun, and I think I like camps, although its so tiring. Saw the abilities of many people, both campers and workers... and I'm really impressed by some. =) Gotta know some church members more too, working with them. Really thankful.

Christmas is coming! Not expecting any presents anyway. Its been quite sometime since I recieved christmas presents. Been recieving a few cards here and there. So happy to read 'em. ^^ Well, I do have just one wish for christmas, and thats if my best friend will come for the christmas service. Thats all I ask for this years christmas.

Come What May

2004-12-12T20:19:00.000+08:00

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart
Can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change
Winter to spring
But I will love you
To the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you
Till my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
But our world revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song
I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you
Until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you
Until my dying day

True Love, so perfect.
So strong... such words.
"I will love you, to the end of time."

Change my heart

2004-12-11T23:35:00.000+08:00

Just came back from jd place. Passed him some stuff. Been some time since we met, all of us have busy schedules. Well, thats good too, cos an idle mind is the devil's workshop. Chatted awhile there, but it seemed like quite some time. Really miss chatting with him.

I made a commitment, and I'm gonna keep it, even if one day I don't feel like it.

Was at BK reading before I went his house. Read about God's love. The more I pondered, the more it seemed so real to me. The 2nd greatest commandment, I made it my lifetime commitment, to someone dear to me. Agape love, only God can fulfill it. I can't even reach half of His measure, but that doesn't mean its impossible. Only time can tell...

Please change my heart

Love and Hypocrisy

2004-12-11T14:29:00.000+08:00

When love isn't about myself.

When love becomes everything felt being unnoticed.

When love is about YOUR happiness.

When love desires a changed heart, but the old one still stays.

When love is all about sacrificing.

When love is as strong as God's Love.

When love is Agape, and unconditional.

When love is about Never having You.

When love hurts.

Is Agape love a love that hurts? Or is it love from a totally changed heart? Change my heart... ...
Im sorry to You.. u know who u are, I thought it was all over. But I think I was wrong.

2004-12-09T19:17:00.000+08:00

Its great to be back here again! Latest entry was quite sometime ago. Its the Hols now... yeah, and surprisingly, i managed to keep myself rather busy.. Lemme see, what do i usually do.
Play pool, go out with friends, play pool, rent movies, play pool... hmm. Hope i'll be employable next year, or all my savings gonna disappeared.

Made some new pool friends recently, from an online pool forum. And oh boy, are they GOOD. Yeah, bunch of humourous fellas with so much committment and love for the game. Really good players. Own real neat equipment too.

Christmas is round the corner. Time to send out cards! Yeah, and this time i'll send them with stamps this time. Felt so moronic last year, placing the cards in the postbox, and then waiting there till 5pm for the postman to open the box, because i forgot to paste stamps. That postman never appeared.. hmm, waste my time. Must be eating snake.

Hmmm, read a friend's blog recently. He mentioned something 'bout Benny Hinn coming to S'pore. That name just struck me, somewhere in the back of my head I've came across this name before... ...

Love

2004-11-28T22:08:00.001+08:00

Dear God, Teach me to laugh again, but never let me forget I cried......

Love is...

Enduring
Kind
Not envious
Humble
Gentle
Unselfish
Patient
Thinks no evil
Rejoices in truth
Hopeful
Encouraging
Honest and Truthful

punch punch punch...

2004-11-26T22:05:00.000+08:00

Met Zach this morning at paradigm, played some pool. Supposed to help him submit the 8 ball form but due to some 'supposed to get job' which screwed up last min, had to ask him to diy.

Played punch, and i kept losing. lol. Well, it's predictable, he's a much better player than me, but i'm still disappointed with myself. Didn't take the game seriously enough, never practiced what i read in theory. Sigh... There's a long long more way to go. Maybe i should play more with people, and be more open with stranger games. Well, with nice friendly people that is. I need the stress element in the game to improve. Then, i'll be frequenting the challengers' table... ahah. Next step is my kicking and banking game. Really horrible...

Hmm, hope the 8 ball comp's a good experience for me. Eye-opener that is... Just hope i dun throw too much face. But whats there to lose? I'm the underdog, and i have everything to gain, not lose. =D

These few days, realized i'm getting very impatient easily. Sigh. Must be the boredom... Need to find a job soon. People also dun seem to be replying my msgs these few days... and i dun like calling people cos i got no free talk time. lol Really dislike the feeling when people dun respond to you. Grrrr

Post-exam mood

2004-11-23T18:48:00.000+08:00

Ok, it actually aint exactly over yet. Left one more bio MCQ... But can lah.. i hope, read the same notes like dunno how many million times already. lol Ok, i better go practice more papers later...

Hmm, post exam mood is ... eh ... like a meadow. ok, wierd comparisons, but i just realized i'm gonna be sooooo bored. I NEED A JOB! hmmm, i want those one day jobs kind, so anyone who has lobang, pls do not hesitate to contact me.. lol

Just dropped by pool haven this afternoon, and played awhile there.. see how the table is like. Think i'll play the 8 ball Championships... for fun and experience. Just wondering, how come everytime i go down there, the same old pple are there playing. They dun need to work meh? so good life. Playing there and playing at West Coast rec. is 2 totally diff experience. Can concentrate there better, and make pockets more often. Now i know how to apply and control english better.. BUT I STILL CANT DRAW! Thats sooooo pathetic. Haiz, need to practice more. And hopefully i can get a break/jump and the 314 shaft after CNY... If i get them, i'll have to continue playing for life. A bomb of investment. NO MORE GIVING UPS! Its my goal, and i'm gonna go for it till its realized! Yeah, and i'll want to make some returns too.
Mika Immonen made me see a new side of the game, from what i read frm his website about him. He's my role-model.

Wonderin how's Jiade doing. Havent met up with him for some time... Well, dunno whether to call him out or not, dunno whether he's free. Oh well... maybe im TOO free. heh
Mayb i'll ask if he wanna go out or something.. like gym or roam town. lol. Loved those coffee times we had ^^> Nothing beats just sitting down and chatting with friends. Yeah, nothing!

Am I Dreaming or What?

2004-11-18T22:46:00.000+08:00

Was looking for a Break/Jump cue today. See see look look...
At the moment, my wish list has changed. lol
Is this just a dream that will fade away, or is it gonna be an aspiration that will stay? I'm still uncertain. Dun wanna make a wrong investment here.

Fury Break/Jump -- $240
Predator 314 shaft -- $299
2B/4S case -- ~$100

I need a job and to save up. If this dream stays till next Feb, i'll take this as an aspiration, and i'll go get 'em.

Early Christmas Wishes

2004-11-15T21:37:00.000+08:00

Amidst exams preparation, i find myself thinking about other things other than studies. lol. Tmr's maths paper, and i cant wait for everything to be over.

Since christmas is round the corner, a wish list comes naturally. Heh. Since its still early, this is draft one, more ammendments on the way to come.

2004 Christmas Wish List

Materialistic

Lucasi L-2004NB
Lucasi L-2000JB
Predator Case

People

My best friend's salvation
Deeper and more cherished friendships
Happy family ^^

Academics

Of course good results

Job

Some piano school would want me, with a decent pay.

2004-11-14T22:39:00.000+08:00

O.o drooling over this. Such a beauty...

Ok, maybe because of the brand... lol The power of advertisements.

The digits attached to it are rather interesting too...

2004-11-14T22:37:00.000+08:00

Holi - day(s)

2004-11-11T22:19:00.000+08:00

Yeah, finally got some breathing space. But now, it feels like this short holi-day is gonna be my start of the holidays. It just feels like the exams are totally over. One week break before the next paper. Argh, just get over and done with! Abit more math, a replay of chem, and the hated bio topic... and it'll all be History!

I hate skim milk now, and so does everyone else. Ever wondered whether the cream in your milk does give you any benefits? Now i know that not knowing what the cream does is not beneficial. lol

Just read KJ's blog... a description of the sex manual. Hahhaha. She has a copy, and i have my copy too. Yeah, its the WORST sex manual i've ever seen. Ok, its the only sex manual i've ever seen... and believe me, its not a single bit interesting. In fact, i hate it so much i wish i never knew so much about sex. I thought it would be interesting, but i'm proven wrong. Well, i only know whats on the first 3 pages before my journey through 'advanced sex'. I'll prefer just sticking to the basics.

Hmm, dropped by 'pool haven' yesterday. Saw some really pro. people training there. National players. Yeah, that place's a really wonderful place. High ceiling, quiet place, and the atmosphere's ideal for pool. Definitely NOT those stereotypical images of what atmosphere a pool table will carry along with. lol
$10 per year, its surely worth it. I'm giving myself 2 years, and i'm gonna make a debut there once i step outta NS. Yeah, its a goal, and im gonna go get it! I'll try, give it all i've got! Haha, now i hope i'm not gonna get posted in-camp after BMT. I was hoping i'll be able to stay in camp initially, but now its otherwise.
Its funny, interests change with time, goals shift all the time. Well, just go with whats at the moment. If things change along the way, then direction will steer away as well, since all these are minor stuffs in life. Maybe its experimentation, if I discover its for me, I'll stay. =o)

So, back to my sex manual. Maybe not now, perhaps tomorrow, or the day after that, or a week later... ...